Icelandic

Lets go Vandy

2012-02-12T10:01:00.005-06:00

Best Saturday ever, yesterday!

Hung out with Zharfan in the morning. Then with Iqbal, Ilman and Sup.

Then Thai dinner with them boys sans Ilman followed by delicious hot chocolate in the freezing weather....and Vandy Vs. Kentucky!!

Brilliant game. So much school spirit.

So much fun!

Yellow Diamonds

2012-02-08T01:28:00.004-06:00

I used to not believe in the whole "brain/heart talk" crap....

I mean, whenever someone goes "my heart just ruled my brain and made me do so and so", I always think to myself, "then just stop being so emotional and let your brain do the controlling".

Well, I didn't believe that...until now.

You know that feeling when you try to tell yourself to feel a certain way about something but your heart just doesn't let you lie to yourself? It's like, you can try convincing yourself so and so but deep down your heart just begs to differ because somehow, miraculously, it knows it's right?

And you'll end up feeling something for that something anyway even if your brain tries to fight it off. And how that something you wish you didn't care so much for would still have an impact on you. And it bothers you so much you ask yourself why you even feel so much that way?

Well, that feeling sucks.

And being a teenage girl isn't helping either. Or even human for this case.

Because feeling is just inevitable.

And you can keep it to yourself, but it still gnaws at you.

It still lingers.

So at moments like these, I wish I had Klaus' power to switch feelings off.

I mean feeling is good, but at times it's burdening. It's irritating.

Especially when you don't want to feel that certain way.

Ugh.

2012-01-30T21:45:00.001-06:00

Eck, feeling so exhausted. So Zombie-like.

Friday please come now..

Sunshine and rain

2012-01-30T16:48:00.001-06:00

The most beautiful weather in Nashville. Ever.

Okay nap time.

Right

2012-01-29T16:08:00.001-06:00

Fathers are the ones that pick you up and give you the courage to do stuff you never thought you could. –The Game Plan

Not today

2012-01-21T15:57:00.003-06:00

What happens when you get up at dawn to do laundry.

When you're tired,

and sleepy...

....and just have one of "those" days.

I like bows

2012-01-07T13:59:00.002-06:00

and flowers

2012-01-07T13:14:00.000-06:00

Edgehill Avenue

2012-01-06T01:30:00.001-06:00

Iqbal Hilmy

2012-01-06T00:21:00.004-06:00

Now that the next semester is just around the corner, I figured perhaps it's time to pen out an "appreciation post", and this appreciation post goes to.......my friend of seven months: Iqbal Hilmy!

Iqbal hates twitter. Well, he used to that is, until he got a twitter account with MY cookie monster as his DP and started tweeting...all the time. So now, I guess, he LIKES twitter? I don't know. He claims he doesn't, but he tweets so I guess that still makes him a twitterer? I'm not going to go into the whole "how I met Iqbal" story because I'll summarize that in one phrase: mutual friends. (Although Iqbal claims that he said "hi" to me at Courtyard, but I was too snobby to notice or respond to him. I beg to differ) Plus, he's my batch mate here at Vandy so it is hard to NOT know him.

So what else about Iqbal? He's a sports know-it-all. Like, he literally knows everything about football, soccer, cricket, etc. ESPNsoccernet is like his bible, AND he's an avid photographer who takes amazing pictures. See that picture down there? He snapped it! (:

Also, he's a really nice listener who puts up with my moodiness, and my unpredictable mood swings. He's a nice tutor, a natural genius and a very, very respectful gentleman. I never thought that I'd grow as a close friend to him as I am now.

La la la la la, okay that's it.

ps: Happy Iqbal? :}

Tukery on Thursday

2012-01-05T23:35:00.005-06:00

Went for lunch at the University Club of Nashville with members of the MSAV, the assistant Provost and Registrar of Vanderbilt. Food was good: turkey, salad, stuffing, pecan pie and ice-cream. A lovely afternoon of friends and free food, ❤

Also, if you've noticed my blog has a new layout! Blame my temporary insomnia last night. Because of a tiring day (exhausting journey to bookstore + work out at the rec center after) I fell asleep at 8 PM only to wake up later at 1 AM. It was frustrating, the fact that I couldn't sleep that is. Plus, I was also hungry--super hungry--till I almost placed an order for Dominoes. But then, I figured if they did send my pizza, I'd have to go out in the cold and put on some decent clothes. So in the end, laziness got the best of me! Laziness over food, aye aye aye.

Hmm, classes officially start next week!

Monday, wow. I never thought three weeks would go by that fast! It's scary and exciting at the same time. Scary because of the new syllabi and lab and unknown professors and more credit hours and no more Rafter/Zoorob crew. Exciting because of psychology!!! Because I'll finally feel more productive, because of the free meal plan food and because of...well new knowledge.

Honestly, scary outweighs exciting if you ask me. So...right now, I'm not too excited for the semester to start so soon--i could give it a couple more days. Especially because LISYA just arrived from Michigan. My discovering her being here was rather funny actually. I was on my way out of my house to head to Dunkin Donuts when all of a sudden she appeared from the bushes! Honestly, I was dubious of her presence at first...but then things got a little crazy and before I knew it we were both hugging and screaming (me at least) till my house RA actually came out to check if we were okay.

I miss that girl a lot.

Too much! And the funny part was Elle sort of knew about this planned "surprise". Lisya had her on the phone so Elle could hear my scream (: That was probably the highlight of my winter break. Sigh, why do all the amazing things happen once winter break is about to END. Seriously.

Anyway, still still nervous for next sem. Especially since I had good classmates and good professors for the fall semester. Well lets pray the same applies for this upcoming semester.

Insom-nom-nom-nia

2012-01-05T03:31:00.001-06:00

Can't sleep :(

Magical

2012-01-03T03:31:00.001-06:00

Helpless

2012-01-02T23:16:00.003-06:00

And so it returns.

That churning sensation in the stomach. The closing of the throat.

The hot flushes that surge through the body, that rush up to the face.

The cold, numb feeling that begins at the fingertips before enclosing the entire hand.

That spin in the head, the sudden tightness in the chest.

That knot in the gut, that heat encircling the eyes, stimulating those tear glands.

The tears that would suddenly fall without a reason.

The nostalgic feeling, that yearns for home.

That urge to scream, but unable to do so.

The sudden pang of loneliness, the anxiety that clouds the mind, squeezes it and makes the eyes shut tightly.

The ticklish, but sharp, pain along the arm, as though being periodically brushed by ice.

That moment where the confidence level diminishes, where the word “hope” loses meaning.

That very moment when all one could wish for was for these feelings to go away.

But they don’t.

When all one could wish for was someone who understood the way she felt.

But there’s none.

So all she wishes for is for someone to be there.

You.

But the time she needed you the most,

You just weren’t there.

New Year

2012-01-02T11:34:00.001-06:00

2011, you were amazing.

Thank you.

Zumis

2011-12-27T20:03:00.002-06:00

Had a lovely night out last night with the crew!

After a good two hours of ice-skating, all of us headed off to Zumis Japanese Kitchen and got some noodles and sushi to eat! The night was cold and wet, but the good company and ceaseless laughter was the highlight of the day. It's ironic how the best part of a day is the night.

But still. I suppose, I just miss everyone together.

Miss the conversations, miss the sarcasm.

Miss the people. It was a good night (:

And Azfar taught me how to use chopsticks. Let's say I could still use a lil' more practice.

But nonetheless, good night with good people.

❤

2011-12-26T20:12:00.001-06:00

Just when I felt like giving up on us,

You turned around and gave me one last touch,

That made everything feel better,

And even then my eyes got wetter,

So confused wanna ask you if you love me,

But I don't wanna seem so weak

Maybe I've been California dreaming

Big girls don't cry

2011-12-25T21:24:00.007-06:00

They say you learn a lot once you go overseas, and even though the experience I've gained isn't exactly what I had in mind when I boarded the plane on the 9th of June 2011, it still is an experience.

Leaving an all-girls high school for college wasn't an easy transition.

High school was more like family--a sisterhood that grew with me for five years. Everyone was forced to see everyone every day, wear the identical same uniform and sit through the mundane classes. But that was what kept everyone close: the fact that we were always together. There was no effort needed to be put into to maintain friendships. There was no running around emailing teachers for the latest homework list or getting questions answered because we had the whole day to do so.

And we, or at least I, never fully appreciated it back then.

I remember how we used to sit in class in our little circles, talking about the future. We dreamt of flying overseas, meeting handsome European boys and touring Italy on a Vespa. I remember wanting to walk through the doors of Allianz Arena, sporting a Bayern jersey, to cheer the team on. I remember those little pinky promises we made to one another about calling each other up during the most significant times of our lives: getting dumped by our first boyfriend, getting engaged, and falling in love. I remember the times we used to make long lists of our ideal guys and fantasize of Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome.

I remember us being happy, light-hearted, carefree....young.

I remember how we looked forward to the future so much.

I remember how much we wanted to leave school so badly.

….and it’s hard to believe that an entire year has passed since I left Sri Aman.

I’m not saying I regret not cherishing those moments to the max, because life simply goes on whether I choose to linger in the past or not. Flying to the USA for college has been one of the greatest moments in my life. Except now, being overseas and independent, has taught me one thing: the future isn’t as sweet as I had always dreamt it to be.

College gets harder, friends come and go, sometimes your best friend disappoints you, friendships get harder to maintain, new friends can’t always be trusted, people will start to hate you and show it, sometimes people only talk to you when they need you, your faith gets tested, some people are two-faced, people think differently than you, stress and pressure ruin friendships, and you’ll inevitably start falling for some people who only disappoint.

So the bottom line is, even though there are lots of other worse problems in this world, I do reward myself with a pat on the back for surviving my first semester at Vanderbilt.

I admit, academically, it was tough enough. Making the transition to start paying more attention in class and trying to get the professor’s time was hard enough. With forty other competitive Malaysians, it was difficult to NOT get affected by peer pressure at first. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself to NOT care about what others were doing, or how they were doing—it was difficult. College here isn’t at all like high school where us girls bonded over things like TV shows and music instead of grades and tuition classes. Here, however, with everyone being a scholar, academics was always a topic of conversation—and I hated it at first. Hated it to the max that I would always cry or isolate myself, but then I grew used to it. I grew to accept the fact that in this world, there will be people like that in the future as well. Everyone was different; everyone had different ways of learning and motivating themselves. It was up to me to make the best of what I had for myself. It was up to me to feel secure and confident and happy.

It was all up to me.

Then came the friend issues.

Upon coming to Vanderbilt and going through PAVE, asides from the American friends I made, I also grew closer to the freshman Malaysian community which mostly consisted of scholars. It was inevitable; we had meetings every week, every day during the month before college—so we naturally grew close. Except, everyone was different in PAVE…and everyone changed again once college started.

PAVE, being a laid-back summer programme had everyone in their jolly, carefree moods. I admit, it was fun hanging out in the Vandy/Barnard lobby with everyone while eating Papa John’s, and the late-night parties we would have in the computer room. It was nice how merry everyone was. But then, college came around the corner and everyone got serious and revealed other sides to their personality. However, slowly, we all grew to accept one another…until things got rough and the months progressed.

People started showing their mean side, their direct side, their emotional side, their needy side, their rebellious side. It was a big shock to see those who were extremely quiet during PAVE spit nasty words. Shoot me for sounding like a hypocritical goody-two shoes, but it did astonish me. Some people who used to be close to me ended up drifting away both physically and emotionally.

And it hurt at first. To have someone I was so close to, someone I told everything to suddenly disappear like smoke in the atmosphere. It also hurt to have someone grow close to me, only to drift away when no emotional support was needed. It hurt a lot to discover that several people bitched behind my back, that several people spoke and acted differently with and without my presence. It hurt to lose some friends just because they couldn’t get along with my current ones. It hurt that the people I was closest to and trusted the most gave up on me because of a little rumour.

And I used to spend nights crying over all of this.

Of the close friends I lost, of the people who drifted away, of the people I made sacrifices for only to have them not do the same in return.

But then I realized: it just wasn’t worth it.

I realized that in life, if there were people I wanted to prioritize they were Allah and my family. The rest comes after. Because, like a wise man once told me, you WILL lose friends, Iman. People WILL break your trust, Iman. And at the end of the day, you’ll only have Allah by your side, and, godwilling, my parents

And he was right…about everything.

People disappoint.

Allah doesn’t.

I’ve learnt that the best thing to do in life is to remain classy, intelligent, open-minded, feminine, virtuous and respectful. People will question my perceptions, my faith and at the end of the day, it’s how confident I am in myself and how much I believe in my abilities that shapes me.

And in the end, in this world, the best people to be around is my family.

The best influence, the best listeners, the best people are…my family.

And how I miss them so dearly every day.

But big girls can’t keep crying all the time.

They must eventually grow up with the principles taught by their families.

And make them proud.

6 months later

2011-12-24T16:14:00.012-06:00

I’ve completed one semester at Vanderbilt.

Which means I have another sem for freshman year till I’m a sophomore

Which means seven more sems till I graduate.

Which means 2 more months till I turn eighteen.

Which means time is moving so fast.

Fast.

Give me a minute to slowly take all of this in.

Okay, now where were we? Oh yeah: time flying by so fast.

A sudden random thought (and I mean really really random), but I remember back in primary school there was this “How can I make time fly” joke, and the response would always be “throw an alarm clock out of the window”

Yeah, cue laughter. I used to think it was the most hilarious thing on the entire planet.

Ha ha.

I’ve got sooo many things to blog about, it’s crazy. I was sorting through several photos and wondering if I should blog them chronologically…or not, and up till now I haven’t decided on that just yet. Just in case I forget, here are a list of things I want to blog about:

Dinner with the crew

6 hours with Zharfan and Azwan

Things I’ve learnt at Vanderbilt

Random-ness

Okay so to start things off….it’s my baby brother’s 6th birthday today! Well, today in Malaysia, considering it’s still Christmas Eve in Nashville. Anyway, I woke up this afternoon feeling all jolly because he has alwaysss looked forward to this day. I remember exactly how we spent his birthday last year: I just finished SPM, and he had eagerly waited for that because we used to play Narnia and Harry Potter together. However, with exams, I was forced to take a break from those and he lost his gaming partner :) So on his birthday, as a promise and a treat, I took him out to watch the third Narnia along with two of my other cousins. After the movie, we had some frozen yogurt (he was obsessed with tutti frutti back then); I remember his yogurt being the most expensive among all of us but we couldn’t argue. He was, after all, the prince of the day!

This year, my entire family went to Singapore just to celebrate this birthday! It’s a family tradition that has been going on for five years actually. Each year, we’d all go to Johor/Singapore to celebrate Karim’s birthday at the Singapore Zoo because he loves it thatttt much! I remember constantly spending at least half an hour sitting there starring at the lions. Of course, after doing it for 5 years straight, one would get bored of it but this year, right now in fact, I really wish I was in Singapore with my family. I’d do anything just to be there—even starring at lions and tigers for one hour or watching the elephants and seals do the same trick over and over and over and over and over again!

It’s half past four in the evening right now, 6:30 AM in Singapore. Currently waiting for it to be 8 AM there so I could drop them a call! :) Sigh, this overwhelming nostalgia is making me feel all queasy on the inside. I miss family moments!

Okay moving on to dinner with the crew!

For old times' sake. This is how it used to be :)

So a few days ago….Elle and I decided to head for dinner together. She fasted on that day so we decided to get something special to eat. We rang up 212, got Umar and Nuek to join us, then called up Gillette….where “Stephanie” answered.

Stephanie was Acit, just in case you were wondering, and talking to him was just plain hilarious! He made a girly, high-pitched voice and started talking crap. It wasn’t until fifteen minutes later till we got both Iqbal and Azfar to join us.

The plan was to pray Maghrib first then meet up at 4:45 PM at East before heading off to Zumis, this Japanese restaurant down Hilsboro. Considering it wasn’t a fancy restaurant, Elle and I decided to head out in what we were already wearing….which was our pyjs…with a sweatshirt over it. However, the moment we stepped into the East lobby we saw Umar all dressed up in a polo shirt and jeans. Dayumn.

Then Azfar and Iqbal took another half an hour to get ready (who knew boys could be fashionably late), and Elle was so tired she ended up sleeping on the sofa. Around half past five both boys finally turned up at East, Azfar wearing this fancy black jacket, and Iqbal, a nice hoodie. As we watched all four boys actually dressed up, Elle and I were so close to actually going upstairs to change into something else. But in the end, we just shrugged and went with it. It was raining anyway, and we left our umbrellas—so we all ended up getting thoroughly soaked.

When we arrived at Zumis, it ended up being closed, which was a big bummer. Still hungry, Elle and I decided to head off to Chilis which was at the other side of campus down West End. But we walked there anyway—hunger makes you do things.

Dinner was fun! I can’t remember the last time we laughed that much. It reminded me off PAVE so much, except Fahim, Lisya, Azly and Ilman were missing. If they were there, it would have been twice as awesome! After dinner, Elle and I continued our tradition of buying the molten chocolate cake for dessert. We bought two this time, one for three people to share. Okay we learn two things from it: 1) The cake would be finished in 5 minutes when eating with boys and 2) It is possible to split up the cost of the cake among 6 people. Like literally “split” the bill! Haha!

After Chilis, we made stops at Starbucks and CVS. Somehow, the entire thing was just pure hilarious. From the jokes while walking to teasing Nuek and Elle, the night was just…blissful :)

I just miss the times when we’d all hang out together like that.

Miss it so much!

Cheesecake factory

2011-12-21T18:02:00.003-06:00

Dinner with the girls and Fahim at Cheesecake Factory!

ps: Elle is back at Vandy, bb!

Home

2011-12-19T02:04:00.002-06:00

Half-past one in the morning, and I can’t sleep.

And my eyes are red and puffy, my nose, stuffed; all this because I’ve been crying for three hours now. Three freaking hours.

Why? Well, a lot of things. College, friends, life…but most importantly—home.

Two days ago, my winter break official began, and I remember standing outside of my room, in the hallway, watching the girls pack up to fly back home. I remember walking into Tony’s room and watching her empty her closet, a big grin plastered on her face as she looked so excited to go home. Then I remember bumping into Hedda and Jazmin, who practically skipped up the stairs to East, carrying brown bags full of flex meal items, ready to go home. Bottom line: everyone looked psyched to be flying home.

Everyone but me, of course.

And I thought I’d be okay staying at Vandy for the winter break, but truth is, after receiving news that Azly has safely landed at KLIA, and that my cousins were all flying back home for this winter break, I grew nostalgic once again.

If you ask me, winter break hasn’t exactly been phenomenal. It’s like winter: dreary, dark and short. Time flies by so fast. I’m mostly an owl: awake by night, sleeping in by day—which automatically renders most of my days useless. Food isn’t fantastic, friends are okay, but nothing beats the warmth of everything back home: family, food, weather.

So now I wish I had gone home instead.

Really wish.

Like if I had a genie who could grant me three wishes, I’d wish for home three times.

Because I miss it that much.

I just called to say I love you

2011-11-05T00:54:00.003-05:00

Happy Anniversary to my two beloved parents! 19 years of marriage, 6 monkeys and 1 princess born yet it was as though the two of you just got married yesterday :)! May Allah strengthen your love and make us one happy family here and in the hereafter ♥

Update!

2011-11-04T20:53:00.004-05:00

oooo I had a long post typed out for this update, but I'll probably post it later or something. As for now, let's do a speedy blog update with lots of pictures! :D

Spent an hour skyping these awesome freaks! One hour of laughter I wouldn't trade in for the world! I miss all of us together :)

Freshmen boys up against the senior for the final intramural match! They lost but it was a good game :) Definitely proud of them!

Beautiful and inspiration quote I found in the East bathroom. It's amazing how one random Post-it can make my day!

Fall settling in. Excuse my vanity, ijustlikethispicture :]

The mini "Ninjump" tournament we had! So far, Nuek holds the first spot, followe by Aidil then me. Ps: I used to be the champion :3

Had a Skype session with my brother! Miss this monkey a lot.

This boy, I love too much ♥

These people I miss miss so dearly right now :( How we would laugh for countless hours, do booty-shake dances, bully one another, order Canadian Pizza and talk about the future. How we would eat at Italiannies each time we went out. Sigh, I miss these dolls!

The Crew

2011-10-25T12:05:00.001-05:00

Meet some of the most amazing people at Vandy!

Homecoming game + Block party

2011-10-24T11:58:00.000-05:00

Lots to tell....later! As for now, enjoy some pictures!

ps: Earlier in Chemistry

Zharfan: Congratulations on the 90 you got.

Me: For what?

Zharfan: *Poker face*
Me: Seriously, for what?

Zharfan: For your chicken slaughtering skills and geography quiz. *-.- face*

Me: Geography?

Zharfan: OH MY GOD IMAN WHAT CLASS ARE WE IN RIGHT NOW?

Haha this boy = laughter. Sigh, I love Chem classes.

Far Longer Than Forever

2011-10-20T00:44:00.005-05:00

Chem, #LEGGO

Watching this movie after midterm tomorrow! I like that bubbly feeling inside of me when I look forward to something to do after tests. Reminds me of form five and that huge list of things my classmates and I made of stuff to do after SPM!

LEGGO

2011-10-18T11:26:00.001-05:00

Some pictures from the week

2011-10-18T01:50:00.003-05:00

Fall at Vandy!

Got my flu shot at Flulapalooza

Electrical engineering robot assembly. Too bad our robot ended up not working. Looks like we’re back to square one.

Misty morning at Vanderbilt! Was out at seven in the morning to do laundry. Got a glimpse of this foggy morning!

Smells like school spirit!

Them East Boys eating dinner in 414!

Looking through your eyes

2011-10-17T23:45:00.001-05:00

This is me sitting right outside The Commons blogging on a beautiful Monday evening. Ironic isn’t it? Me, calling today, a Monday, beautiful. I normally hate Mondays—scratch that, despise, loathe (any word that means “hate”) Mondays, but surprisingly, today was pretty good :)

Which, again, is pretty funny, considering I had a horrible Sunday night. Maybe Monday and Sunday decided to switch places. Either way, it was worth it—the days switching days that is (no pun intended)—because the rough Sunday night only lasted for about two hours before my brain wore out and dozed off. The good Monday, on the other hand, lasted the whole day—even until now! Okay so…several things to blog about, hmm: ( I ~~strike~~ things off as I write)

1) ~~Visions dinner at SAT Co~~
2) ~~Memorial Madness and Rec Centre~~
3) ~~Orange juice and green stuff~~
4) ~~Pancake Pantry~~
5) ~~Electrical Failure~~
6) Random childish squabbling

Let’s start with Memorial Madness.

Okay, so what exactly is Memorial Madness? It’s a basketball pep rally Vanderbilt has to give us a sneak peek into the season plus meet and get photos with members of the team, both the men’s and women’s. After receiving the newsletter from our VSG president, I knew I had to go—experience as Fahim would say—plus the first five hundred who showed up would get a free jersey. Unfortunately, I didn’t (get the free jersey, that is) since Fahim, Iqbal and arrived a tad bit late. The place ended up being super crowded with people all queuing up to get pictures with the team. In the end, the three of us left after five minutes for the rec.

Coincidentally, we bumped into Mai and Asmida playing badminton so while the boys played basketball with a couple of seniors, I joined them after a while (dressed in leggings and boots, badminton the new style! ;]) Fahim, who joined later, tried to swerve a shuttlecock with his hands. Ps: if you hadn’t already guessed, it did not work. Then Iqbal left to get a soccer-like ball and Nisa came with a volleyball and we ended up playing around with them. Oh, also never play soccer with boots on a slippery basketball court. Fell down and twisted my ankle; it hurt that night…and it still sometimes does each time I “bend” my feet. But oh well, pain was worth it!

Sooo next—

Pancake Pantry!

So I had a decent sleep on Saturday night, woke up early on Sunday with a rumbling tummy and felt desperate for breakfast (I love this meal of the day. I wouldn’t mind skipping both lunch and dinner just to get a good good breakfast! “Eat breakfast like a king” as my dear father once said)! Since both Rand and Commons weren’t open till ten, I decided to head out to Pancake Pantry for some goooooood breakfast! So bright and early at eight, I walked to Hilsboro while enjoying the frosty, cold morning and sunny sky, dressed in white Vandy hoodie and F21 boots—which, I spent the entire morning, uh, repairing (would that be the right word?) Since the back of the boots are pretty worn out, I decided to put my domestic skills to the test and sew them back. They did work! Perfectly, in fact, for a day, before all the tiny threads got out by night. Sigh! Anyway, got myself some delicious chocolate chip pancakes, then cycled to FGH for our Chem review class and did not sleep in class. See, a good breakfast makes miracles!

Orange juice and green stuff

Don’t ask how I came up with that header in the bullets above. I suppose it was the first thing that struck my mind when I thought of lab today. Okay as you probably (or probably not) know, I don’t enjoy lab. Azraa says I sound like I’m heading to battle each time I ring her up before lab just to whine about dreading it. It’s like I can never get accurate measurements or understand the procedures after one read like the entire class, sigh. However, today wasn’t too bad—even though lab was extra long. At least my results were on the right track!

So why orange juice and green stuff?

Well, the first experiment we did involved making some Iron Oxalate (or something like that) which started out from a yellowish solution turned brown turned vomit turned disgusting army-green then magically lime green (like detergent) after the addition of oxalic acid. I enjoyed that experiment a lot because the results were pretty cool. Like, before the solution turned to vomit, it was yellow. But each time I put drops of…peroxide was it? (can’t remember) it would turn dark brown and sizzle! (*Cues* Puan Ilani saying “Effervescence” haha I miss her! ) The second experiment was boring though—titration. Woo! (enthusiasm fades)

To skip the boringness of titrating orange juice with some iodine solution, let’s move on to SAT Co, short for San Antonio Taco Company , which is where my Visions group and I had dinner today! Visions is this gathering thing we have every Monday where we just hang out and talk about random things. Usually, it’s held at Memorial, but today, after coming back from lab, I logged onto the computer and saw a message from Lisa, asking us to meet up at SAT Co. Already back in my dorm at that time, I actually contemplated on going. Firstly, SAT Co was a ten minute walk from my dorm, and secondly I wasn’t in the mood for 2 dollar tacos. But in the end, due to extreme hunger (I skipped lunch), I got my bike and sped down 21^st to SAT Co.

So the food was okay. Not that great. It tasted just like Taco Bell, but because I was hungry—it was extra yummy! Plus, I finally got to eat chips and queso—something I’ve been craving since the night I watched Harry Potter at Green Hills! So that was omnomnomnom. It was also nice to eat out as a visions group. Sort of thankful I ended up going!

(Took a look at my word count—haha, sorry for the essay guys! Maybe I’ll write this next part in a different post…..yeah I should)

:] A quarter to eleven at night (No, if you’re wondering, I did not spend four and a half hours writing this. I fell asleep after Maghrib while reading my computer and ethics book, boo) and I feel so fresh. Why can’t I be like this for classes?

ps: I'll put up lab pictures and dinner at SAT Co later once I've recharged my phone!

Girly girl

2011-10-16T02:21:00.001-05:00

All those days I spent singing this in the shower, in cars, while doing homework, while playing rock band, every time I felt down…it’s amazing how it still is one of my favourite all-time songs.

Good night world! ♥

Saturday at Stevensons

2011-10-15T16:29:00.002-05:00

As a result of boredom in the library, I start drawing faces on earplugs and listeing to the entire Lion King soundtrack.

It’s a lazy Saturday and I’ve got a practice Chem test at night. Hoho!

ps: Blog later! night

If this war is never ending

2011-10-11T10:53:00.002-05:00

“Banner” by Lights

9:47 AM on a beautiful Tuesday morning. The time I feel like I just have to blog!

Except, I shouldn’t blog because:

a) I have a math practice test to take
b) I’ve an engineering paper to write
c) I should sleep

It’s funny how the third one contradicts the first two. Now reasons why I should blog:

a) I haven’t blogged in a while
b) Inspiration is so rare that when it comes around, it’s like…I have to grab the one chance
c) I’m listening to my favourite T.Swift song. Haven’t done that in a while
d) Because I’m in Stevensons and it’s the best place to blog (and sleep)
And Zharfan gave me a reason to smile and laugh this morning!

Oh look, the reasons why I should blog outweigh the reasons why I shouldn’t…so I guess let’s go ahead and blog. (isn’t it nice to reason out sometimes? It makes you feel less guilty)

ps: As you can tell, I’m in a superb mood, just a random fact :]

Okay to start things off (note: some things in here might be repeated or related to the pictures I posted in the previous post), fall (or autumn, as I would normally call it until well, until now I suppose) is approaching! Cycling to class in the morning has grown more and more appealing with the beautiful scenery around to take in…especially at 7 in the morning.

A lot of my friends here (both locals and out-of-state students) claim that fall in the northern parts of America is a lot more gorgeous (places such as Wisconsin and Minnesota) and that fall in Vanderbilt isn’t so…um, significant (?). Except, according to my VUceptor (someone sort of like my senior mentor), Lisa, since Vandy’s located in an arboretum, I should expect to see lots of leaves change—and I have. Lots of the trees here around Stevensons and Commons have grown from crimson to various shades of red, and each time I bike, I’ll hear the cracking sounds of leaves beneath the wheels! [I haven’t been out and about with my camera lately but I’ll definitely snap more pictures and put them up!]

With fall coming just around the corner....so does fall fashion! Last week, all of us international students went to Burlington Coat factory to shop for fall and winter jackets/coats/clothing. Me, being, I suppose curious, decided to go to 100 Oaks Mall (where the shop is located) a day earlier to check the place out. It was enormous—like factory outlet/warehouse huge with racks and racks of various types of clothing. I spent only about an hour and a half there speedily browsing through the racks, not intending to buy any until the official shopping trip the next day. However, this one puffer jacket from Calvin Klein (black with a gorgeous fur hood) just screamed “buy me”. It was love at first sight; I couldn’t resist it, and so I bought it at a bargain!

There was this other coat I loved, except it wasn’t as necessary and as essential enough as the puffer jacket to be bought: a beige Betsey Johnson anorak with tie-waist and a feminine cutting. Also, there was this beautiful quilted jacket with a pleated inner lining—think Burberry—that…just had to be unavailable at the store (I browsed online). Oh boo!

I planned to browse through the scarf/boots/gloves/etc. sections the next day when I ride to Burlington with the other students, except I ended up being too exhausted on Friday evening and decided to sleep in instead. Good thing I did though; it was an amazing “nap”—I slept from the time the bus left Vanderbilt till it returned from Burlington! Because the dorm was so quiet and peaceful that Friday evening, I slept like a baby (or bear, as Anis would call me).

Hmm, so what else? (*Cues* Nuek saying “lettuce”—don’t ask, it’s a ridiculous inside joke.)

Oh yeah, I finally went to Pancake Pantry, this famous breakfast restaurant here in Nashville! During PAVE, a lot of the the 4^th floor of Vandy Hall girls would go there and come back, telling me how amazing the food there is. So after planning to go, I finally went last Saturday with Iqbal (boo you Zharfan for not wanting to come along!). It was really a last minute decision. Initially the three of us planned to go early Saturday morning (*cough* 7 AM *cough*) but no one got up until around…ten, so the plan was cancelled. However, I still wanted to go, but I knew the line outside the restaurant would be incredibly long (seriously, it snakes all the way down the entire walkway!), so I called up to enquire about take aways.

It turns out, I would have to go to the restaurant, place an order and wait for about fifteen minutes. So I rang up Iqbal and asked if he wanted anything, since I was going there to get something to go, but he chose to come instead. Deciding to eat in the restaurant with its incredibly homey ambiance and country-Nashville-ish feel, we had to wait (and me, bask in the sun since I wore black) for about half an hour (or more) before we finally got a seat inside. But the wait was worth it! The pancakes (I ordered some chocolate pancakes topped with sugar and optional maple syrup) were delicious! Omnomnomnom. Also, since it was Ilman’s birthday (and since I’m such a nice friend towards my beloved East boys ;]) I got them Pancake Pantry’s signature silver-dollar original buttermilk pancakes for brunch! It was…a good morning/afternoon!

Hmm, moving on—

Okay so this might pull the blog away from the “happy” aura for a bit…but…

I had a horrible Monday yesterday. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Why?

a) My math quiz was disappointing
b) My chemistry lab sucked, as per usual
c) I had lunch at five in the evening
d) The chains on my bike got dislocated, something happened to the breaks…and I fell on the curb while cycling. Boo

Call me paranoid or pessimistic, but as I walked my bike back to the dorm I kept thinking of the “next” bad thing that could happen. I know, not the greatest idea, and especially something way contrary to my wanting-to-be-implemented “PMA” (Positive-Mental-Attitude) mood.

So after arriving at East, I got (and begged) the boys to help me with my bike, which they did and I’m so grateful for. Also, they’re the master of teasing (when it comes to me that is) but somehow, their irritating and annoying jokes made me smile…made my day. Umar kept referring to themselves as my “slaves” and Ilman kept joking about being “paid” for “bicycle assembly”, “bicycle repair” etc. and Nuek was just, well, he was like a boss…except each time he argued it was so inapplicable and irrelevant since he didn’t help me with my bike (Umar and Ilman were the only ones). However he did crack a joke about them being “rich slaves” after I argued about there being no such thing as “slaves” who ate “Pancake Pantry” and “Best of India”. After they fixed my bike, we left for visions and I already had my highs and lows planned out (it’s this game we play at the start of each Vanderbilt Visions session).

Low: The whole of Monday

High: The three East boys

A quick note, I’m staring at the word count right now and not being able to believe that this “essay” has gone beyond 1000 words! (Woah). It’s probably best I stop here…hmm. Yup, I should. Oh yeah, and I also got to talk to Iqbal last night about writing—it’s been ages since I’ve spoken about it, so that was nice.

And nostalgic.

But nice :]

So if you’re reading this Aliaa, please keep my stories safe at home.

Thank you xo.

And speaking of Aliaa, she is the greatteeesst sister ever, *cough* suddenly *cough*. Teehee. But yeah she is, oh and I also forgot to include the fact that my Skype conversation with my mum yesterday completely brightened up my mood! So, I suppose I had a sucky day yesterday but my night went well. Really well :)

And now it’s time for that math practice test.

So byeee!

Eee, eyebags #collegelife. HP webcam sucks :b

No matter what I do

2011-10-10T11:16:00.000-05:00

Someone Like You

2011-10-09T23:40:00.003-05:00

I forgot how much I used to love to dance around my room to this song back home :)

Too lazy to type

2011-10-09T05:16:00.003-05:00

Title says it all. So instead, I'll post some pictures to sum up the past two weeks:

Finally got a real Double Chocolaty Frap here in the US! Omnonnom.

Dinner at Chilis with Anis last night. Shrimp Tacos, me gusta!

Outside of Apple store at Green Hills mall.

At our “traditional” molten chocolate cake at Chilis—except this time it was “red velvet” chocolate. Me gusta some more!

Saw this while biking to FGH this morning. I just HAD to stop to snap a photo. Fall is just around the corner!

Good night me loves!

ps: Happy Birthday, Ilman! :)

Now every February

2011-10-07T05:31:00.000-05:00

The best medicine

2011-10-06T05:26:00.001-05:00

Um

2011-10-05T16:57:00.000-05:00

You know what sucks about being alone in a foreign country without your family and closest friends? Involuntarily growing dependent and emotionally attached to certain people.

That part right there—sucks. Why?

Because you’ll have high hopes in certain people when it comes to trust and honesty. You’ll start to tell things to certain people, thinking your secret’s safe, but no— you can never really trust anyone that quick. We all know that— I know that—but likewise, solitude makes you do impulsive things.

So I guess it’s my fault for crying tonight. My fault for letting myself believe that I could trust you 100 %. My fault for believing that maybe for once I shouldn’t confine my emotions and let you in.

But tonight just dimmed that tiny hope of trust I had in you. Tonight brought me back to the person I always will be—the person with trusting issues.

And you gave me the reason to remain that way.

So thank you, I now know.

Like we used to

2011-10-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

Mr. Know it All

2011-10-02T14:32:00.003-05:00

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Helllooo October!!

Yesterday, my best best best best best best sister ever, Aliaa, sent me a tweet!

And the first thing that struck me was…5 months? Wow. Even I never realized how fast time flew by! I still remember those 5 months waiting after SPM. Those 5 months spent at home. Those 5 months spent being my mum and grandma’s…best friend, nurse, doctor, shopping assistant, therapist, sister—everything! Back in high school, I couldn’t survive camp; I couldn’t survive sleepovers for more than two days…but here I am surviving 5 months of college in a country that’s 35 hours away from home!!

Wow.

Anyway, this is a short post about this “Usrah” session I had this morning with a couple of girls! To be frank, I’ve never heard of such thing so I suppose it’s something to look forward to for the rest of the semester. Back to the point, all of us went for brunch at this place called “Provence” along Hilsboro. The food wasn’t good—I’m going to be blunt :b—but the chocolate éclair was not too bad. However, apparently “French toast” there translates to “Bread Pudding”. Now I know never to order French toast there.

We didn’t do much but talked and got to know one another, so it was pretty laidback and suited my lazy Sunday mood. However, the whole “going for brunch at a dainty, pretty and cute restaurant” did remind me of my Bangsar outings with mummy, Maryam and Saranyaa back in Malaysia :] How I miss those times raving about macaroons with Aliaa, eating Red Velvet cupcakes with mummy, drooling over the amazing hot chocolate at O’Briens with Maryams, and making Saranyaa try my favourite flourless chocolate cake at “Plan B”.

I miss those times :]

Ps: The past two days have been chilly!

p.ps: I’m still waiting for the leaves to change!

Glam

2011-10-01T23:39:00.001-05:00

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What's a girl to do on a laid-back Saturday night (besides Calculus and Chemistry)?

Easy -- find a reason to get all glam and dolled up!

And that is exactly what my roommate, Syahidah, and I did :]

About a week ago, the weekly VSG newsletter popped out in my inbox. As the norm, it had a short column from our president, campus news and, of course, the highlighting events of the week! One of them was “Scene and Heard”, a student-organized fashion show held by the Vanderbilt Public Relations club. I read a bit more about it and knew I just had to go! After all, who would pass up the chance to dress up and eat chocolate fondue after?

So after our “meeting” with our academic advisor on Saturday evening, Syahidah and I left the academic building and speed-walked back to our dorm to get ready. The fashion show was scheduled to start at seven but even at six-forty-five, Syida and I were still in our dorm! Since biking in a dress wasn’t an option, we speed-walked to Sarratt Student Center only to stop midway when we realized we left our tickets! So in the cold and frosty night, Syahidah and I literally ran back to East, rummaged through our room for the ticket then speed-walked back again to Sarratt. Our hands literally, literally froze!

It turned out we arrived pretty early for the show despite being fifteen minutes behind scheduled time. So after handing our tickets in, we got our seats, snapped a couple of pictures and waited for the show to start while bobbing to the powerful music echoing through the theater.

The first clothing line to be presented was designed by Amy B. Most of the clothes were Ready-to-wear chic and feminine with a touch of bohemian. The collections that followed were a mix of a lot of things: modern, winter, hoodie, lingerie…etc. Probably the funniest thing of the night was when Syahidah spotted her Chem TA strutting down in red lingerie with rouge lips! She, Syahidah, literally tugged at my dress and kept pointing to the girl who had walked into her ChemE module with glasses and a powerpoint presentation on Chemical Engineering!

After the show ended around half past eight, Syahidah and I went for the mini reception where we ate Sushi, chocolate fondue and the most adorable Vanilla (Syahidah had chocolate) cupcakes! We also met up with one of our seniors studying in the lounge, so she helped us take a couple of photos. Let’s just say excessive vanity was acceptable that night :]

But it was a good night! And the night that followed talking and laughing about “girl stuff” with my roommates in our dorm later was twice as fun, plus hot chocolate with Iqbal (which resulted in a stained white Vandy hoodie :[) and coincidentally stumbling across Hanum and Nia who…are pretty kick-ass at fussball!! :]

Ps: It’s been ages since I’ve posted about Brendon Urie, right?

p.ps: This particular part of “Stereo Hearts” is beast!

Can't wait!

2011-09-30T22:54:00.001-05:00

I balled. Literally!

2011-09-29T21:50:00.001-05:00

Body and Soul

2011-09-28T01:25:00.001-05:00

In another life, I would be your girl

2011-09-24T18:44:00.004-05:00

It’s six o’clock on a cold, dark Saturday evening. It’s been approximately six hours since I’ve been up but for an inexplicable reason, I feel so worn out and exhausted. After brunch and a short meeting at the engineering building at noon, I returned to my dorm, stopping my CVS prior to that to buy some bread and necessities, then decided to organize my closet. You know how I tend to do the weirdest things when I’m bored…so while listening to “The One that Got Away” by Katy Perry—which, by the way, is an awesome, awesome, awesome song—I started snapping pictures of several things that stood out around me. Random, I know.

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Why the sudden urge to organize my closet you ask? Well, yesterday my roomies and I went to Green Hills to shop! It was a sudden and spontaneous decision I made while walking back to the dorm after class around noon. We—Anis and I—were talking about how great it felt to finally have the weekend arrive without any exams to study for! Then all of a sudden, I told her I wanted to go out…and I wanted to go out now. Anis looked at me, her wide eyes doubting my sudden statement. To show her how serious I was, I instantly dialed the cab the minute we reached our dorm.

Everything just moved too quickly—the discussing on what time to return, the shops to go etc.—and before I knew it, the three of us (Syahidah included) were in the taxi and riding off to Green Hills! When we first arrived, we opted for “window shopping” but as time flew by, we started to split up and run in and out of stores, trying to chase time. Actually, it would be inaccurate to say that. Precisely, it was Syahidah and I running in and out of shops while Anis sat on a bench in the circle killing Zombies in her laptop (hehe).

In the end, I got a couple of things I’ve been eyeing for ages, Syahidah got a gorrrgeous Longchamp bag for classes and Anis, well Anis got to spend time with us! Haha! The outing was, in a way, a good remedy to the very overwhelming week we—or at least I—had :) The Junior Hari Raya open house later, Skype session with my two beautiful sisters plus hangout at the Commons with the boys after made Friday night tons better :]

Ps: If you can guess who the “Mr. Shy” guy in one of the pictures in the slide, props for you!

Mama

2011-09-22T19:28:00.001-05:00

(May Allah bless this woman and all mothers in this world.)

This is a true story of Mother’s Sacrifice during the Japan Earthquake. After the Earthquake had subsided, when the rescuers reached the ruins of a young woman’s house, they saw her dead body through the cracks. But her pose was somehow strange that she knelt on her knees like a person was worshiping; her body was leaning forward, and her two hands were supporting by an object. The collapsed house had crashed her back and her head. With so many difficulties, the leader of the rescuer team put his hand through a narrow gap on the wall to reach the woman’s body. He was hoping that this woman could be still alive. However, the cold and stiff body told him that she had passed away for sure. He and the rest of the team left this house and were going to search the next collapsed building. For some reasons, the team leader was driven by a compelling force to go back to the ruin house of the dead woman. Again, he knelt down and used his hand through the narrow cracks to search the little space under the dead body. Suddenly, he screamed with excitement,”

A child! There is a child! “The whole team worked together; carefully they removed the piles of ruined objects around the dead woman. There was a 3 months old little boy wrapped in a flowery blanket under his mother’s dead body. Obviously, the woman had made an ultimate sacrifice for saving her son. When her house was falling, she used her body to make a cover to protect her son. The little boy was still sleeping peacefully when the team leader picked him up. The medical doctor came quickly to exam the little boy. After he opened the blanket, he saw a cell phone inside the blanket. There was a text message on the screen. It said ,” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” This cell phone was passing around from one hand to another. Everybody that read the message wept. ” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” Such is the mother’s love for her child!!

Anew

2011-09-20T21:35:00.004-05:00

So let’s try pull away from the bluesy mood that's currently taking over my blog, and....let me tell you little random things.

Okay so random sightings on campus during the past week:

Old couple sitting outside the Medical North building. The old woman had a drip attached to her. The cutest part was watching the old man smile while he held his hand as though they were still in their early dating days.
Baby squirrel at Rand. For the first time ever, it was so skinny that it almost looked like a chipmunk without stripes. Fat squirrels still own.

I had a few more, just can’t recall them now.

And….I’ll continue this post after I complete my ES homework!

Tata x

Ps: Thanks to my Chem professor, I’m so obsessed with “Stereo Hearts” by Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine and “Don’t Wanna Go Home” by Jason Derulo.

Also, Azraa appreciation post soon :)

Different Places

2011-09-19T20:58:00.000-05:00

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"It hurts the most when the person that made you feel special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today." ~via twitter.

I tried to be strong,

I tried to smile,

I tried to laugh,

I tried to believe,

I tried to hope

...but in the end there's just no point trying.

No matter how hard I try and fight these feelings alone, try to tell myself that there's no point mulling over trivial things--everything just builds up and brings me down ALL the time. No matter how hard I try NOT to feel lonely, that feeling just creeps up like an unforeseen stealthy animal that lugs me into darkness and isolation. No matter how hard I try to believe that I have friends here for me, skepticism takes over. No matter how much I tell myself I’m finally getting what I’ve always wanted, I begin to think twice.

Maybe it’s like what people say about college. The leap and transition is overwhelming. The change and struggle will break and shatter you always. Sometimes, you can never grow too close and dependent on people who are just like you; new and struggling in a foreign country. Sometimes you lose friends along the way.

Sometimes you’re just forced to be alone.

And that’s supposed to build you, make you a better person.

But what if there’s just so much a seventeen-year-old girl can handle alone?

Depressing

2011-09-18T21:17:00.000-05:00

Depressing.

The exact word to describe my blog right now.

And I don’t like it :[

911 Service Weekend

2011-09-11T00:18:00.003-05:00

This story moved me...a lot.

Blog more about this tomorrow, good night x

Avec Elle

2011-09-10T23:10:00.004-05:00

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Yesterday, I received a package from one of my best friends, who was here on holiday at NJ! She mailed me an orange Princeton hoodie that was just too cute that I wore it to class today!! However, along with the hoodie was a postcard. What she said touched me, as always, but there was once specific line that made me break down like how I did at the Dubai airport.

"Come back home soon! We miss you."

I admit, I get homesick easily -- too easily in fact, compared to a lot of people here. But it's just an uncontrollable, unexpected sudden feeling that just tears me down and makes me think about how my life was back in Malaysia. Or how it would be if I was there right now? Or how it used to be during the six months after SPM?

Besides family and friends, I miss a lot of things from home. My bed, for instance, and my six pillows and blanket! Then there's my bookshelf with lots of pasted pictures, and my wall of artwork! Sometimes, I miss the feeling of sitting by my study by the window and feeling the evening sun rays through the window, or the view of the ceiling each night I can't sleep.

I miss rushing after school every Friday to catch the new Vampire Diaries episode or lying on my cool floor after working out. I miss how I used to lean back against the walls at midnight while writing, and how I'd look forward to every weekend just for Mr. Tan's class at Bangsar and French with Florian. I miss lunches with mummy and sleepovers with the six packs! I miss going crazy over makeup with Azraa and laughing at random tumblr posts with Latifah. I miss going raving about cute boys with Nik Zahira and hugging Dayah. I miss getting advice from Maryam and texting Azraa late night.

Man, I miss a lot of things.

Truthfully, life here isn't so exciting. The learning experience is amazing, but some things just remain...the same—or even worse. Perhaps, it’s the hectic international freshmen schedule or the fact that I'm constantly being pushed and forced by someone to study hard.

It's just...not me.

And I'm not used to it. And people think I'm just being spoiled because I'm not used to it.

Which makes me start to miss Sri Aman and the understanding people there.

It makes me miss 5SA and the cool and beautiful, yet still smart and successful, people who chatted and laughed about random things instead of discussing homework. It makes me miss the moments all of us would plan "when NOT to come to school" and mark down the holidays in our calendars. I just miss high school.

Isn't it weird to long for high school when the majority ALWAYS look forward to college? Well, I miss my girlfriends a lot. I miss the laughter, the craziness. I miss 2010.

I guess I just miss the energetic air that surrounded me back then.

It kept me from feeling lonely.

Today was a fairytale

2011-09-08T22:25:00.004-05:00

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Distant

2011-09-06T00:31:00.004-05:00

You know that feeling when you've grown so close to someone that you're so used to being around that person and telling that person almost everything, and suddenly the two of you grow apart without a reason and all of what you used to do together disappears?

Well friend, I miss you and just talking to you. It'd be nice to know if you felt the same way. But I guess sometimes in our busy lives, we make new friends and grow apart.

x Good night, world!

Black and Gold

2011-09-04T00:45:00.000-05:00

Go Dores!

And I don't even know why

2011-09-03T19:19:00.001-05:00

Hello college!

2011-08-28T23:11:00.003-05:00

Last Terawih :(

2011-08-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

Days get duller, emotions become harder to contain and the heart grows fonder and yearns for home as I count down the days to Hari Raya. This immense block of heavy emotion became evident to me when I had my first Hari Raya photoshoot with the Vandy Freshmen family at the Parthenon. Seeing everyone dressed in stunning baju melayus and baju kurungs did emanate the festive Raya feel at that time, but it was a different feel; a peculiar sentiment of loneliness and nostalgia.

I feel truly blessed to be able to celebrate my first Raya away from home with so many lovely people who are collaboratively trying hard to make Raya here as special as it is back home—but no matter how much I want to try and get the “homey feel” of Raya here, I can’t help but think of home. Of the visitors we’d always get from morning till night. Of the hampers that would flood our storeroom. Of the biscuits my mum would spend countless hours making. Of my maids smiling in their new kurungs as we “salam” one another and ask for forgiveness. Of the biryani with its delicious smell percolating through the kitchen. And of my siblings who would always gather in the living room at the end of the day to compare who had the most “duit raya”.

No matter how hard I try to wake up every morning and not think of how home would be like on that special day, the image of my dad chanting the morning Raya “takbir” as he wakes us up for Eid prayer and the scene of my grandma, mum, aunt and I heading to Masjid Wilayah in our new “telekungs” just won’t leave my mind. I especially can’t imagine not heading to the mosque with my grandmother and carrying her portable chair—because I’ve been doing that for the past years and years. But not this year.

I suppose being someone who’s so used to being at home and attached to my family, the thought of not being together with them is heart-breaking. I had envisioned how Hari Raya might be like before flying off the US, but now that it’s only a day away, I guess I never expected it to be this hard. Around me, people seem fine; but that’s just my observation. There’s no doubt everyone is probably down from being away from family, but they’re doing a pretty good job at concealing and holding those emotions back. I do try. I try everyday, but the minute nighttime strikes everything shatters.

Besides home, it would be safe to say I miss the Exxon family at ND so, so, so, so much! Elle, Lisya and Azly—I miss you guys a lot. As a batch of five-initially-not-so-friendly-but quiet strangers, all of you are the closest thing to a family I have here. Even though three of you guys are eight hours away, all of you will forever have special places in my heart. From the minute we left KLIA and depended on one another to reach Nashville, we’ve grown closer, trusted one another and formed lasting friendships. My Raya here would be incomplete without you guys :(

I try to picture how Eid would be here, and the truth is I can’t. I can’t imagine myself waking up early on Tuesday to head for Chemistry while everyone back home as a public holiday and is able to head for Jemaah prayer at mosques. I can’t imagine not eating my mum’s laksa and soto at least five times that day (one serving each time we have guest). I just cannot imagine Hari Raya without the family. Even though we have an Eid celebration this Friday—it isn’t the same :(

I just miss home, my friends and Malaysia.

A lot.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

2011-08-23T08:51:00.003-05:00

2:25 makes me want to melt all the time. I wish Jiha came online so I can tweet-scream her :3

B-e-a-utiful

2011-08-20T15:52:00.004-05:00

Official freshmen move-in day today!

So I got up around nine this morning, took a quick shower then walked around campus to snap pictures of all the beautiful decor set up for today! The first thing I came across was the East tent, which was festooned with beautiful purple and green paper lanterns that emanated a very garden-party-ish feel. There were numerous people involved with “move-in”, all dressed in red, standing around all houses to welcome the freshmen and help them into the dorms. Each time a car pulled up, the entire crowd would cheer and shout the name of the houses! The enthusiasm and spirit reminded me a lot of Harry Potter and how the students would applaud when the first years walk into the dining hall!

So after making a pit stop at Acit’s to check for Cristina’s room number, I headed to Stambaugh, went to the third floor and saw someone who looked exactly like her—except it wasn’t her; it was her sister, Amanda! It was embarrassing going up to her, thinking she was Cristina, and acting all excited only to have her point into the room for the “real” Cristina, haha! When I saw her, she gave me a hug and introduced me to her mum, who later gave me a hug as well!

After talking for a bit, I left, planning to visit Ally at Hank but deciding not too after I saw how busy the place was! Instead, I headed back to East, got two free popsicles along the way, and went for Dr. Dallhouse’s, the head of East, open house instead. There, I got a free banana muffin (omnomnom) and met his wife, Mary, and their two twin sons, Teddy and Braden. The living room of their apartment reminded me so much of home with the numerous childish paintings on the wall, toys scattered on the floor, and picture storybooks brimming the shelves! Out of the two twins, Teddy was more outgoing and brought some of his toys out to show me. Braden was more shy and engrossed with a game in his iPod.

Finally tired and drenched in sweat, I left for my dorm, stopped by 212 to check out Umar’s haircut, and have been sitting at my study ever since! The first weekend of the month with absolutely NOTHING to do! Sweet heaven, who would pass up the chance of doing nothing!

As of right now, both my roommates are out so I have the entire room to myself. It’s a lovely, chilling and peaceful Saturday afternoon that all I feel like doing is lie in my comfy bed with my new pillow and watch a movie or read a good book! This tranquility reminds me so much of my typical afternoons after school! Oh and what was ironic was that just as I thought of my sisters earlier, “All Day” by Cody Simpson blasted from my computer that I just had to get up and dance around my room like a lonely fool. Haha, I miss them!

Since I have nothing to do right now except wait for my Sims 3 to finish installing, I’m going to briefly blog about the past two days. Let’s start with yesterday.

So yesterday, Rhuee, our chem instructor and probably the friendliest senior I’ve met so far, invited all us from East, North, Hank and Murray for supper. It was lovely—both the atmosphere and the food. For food, we ate NASI LEMAK (omnomnomnom) and drank Sirap bandung. Considering I miss Malaysian food so much, the Nasi Lemak was heaven! While eating, all of us hung out, laughed at his Chemistry-related and general jokes and got to know one another more. In a way, I’m going to miss that—all of us hanging out as one big family and community, but I guess the whole point of college is to step out of your comfort zone. But still, I’ll miss it for sure!

As for the day before, we had an East-Crawford social night with several “guests” from North, Memorial and Sutherland. It was a pot-luck-iftar night with all of us bringing different things. I got to finally cook some lasagna with actual halal meat—my, my have I mentioned how much I miss beef? Anyway, there was spaghetti Bolognese and Carbonara, fried rice, fried mee and the lasagna on the table! The lasagna took a while to bake so Anis and I went to Crawford late. Still, the others were kind enough to put aside a sufficient amount of food for us so I got to try everyone’s cooking!

I suppose the best part about the social event was probably shopping for the ingredients in the evening. Initially, Anis and I decided to head off to Apple Market after class to shop for groceries; the walk was painful and scorching hot!! It turned out that there weren’t many choices at that local store so I suggested we try out this new place called “Harris Teeter”, another bigger grocery store I found on the PAVE map. Since it was on the other side of campus, we took a cab there.

The place was amazing. Think Cold Storage with the various isles and food-brimming shelves!!! There were so many spices to choose from, so many types of bread to pick! It was lovely—definitely going there from now onwards! Anis and I scouted the entire shop, found the aluminum trays to bake the lasagna and walked back, taking the lovely Hilsboro route! It’s hard to properly paint a picture of Hilsboro Village in one’s mind. I’d say it’s similar to a quaint, European village with small, colourful shops with cute decoration. I’d post some pictures but I just happened to have not brought my proper camera on that day, boo :[

Also, I finally got some furniture shopping done yesterday at Target. The sale was phenomenal that I bought everything: dining-ware, lights and a refrigerator for less than two hundred dollars! And I also had my VU captor dinner at the Commons Place several days ago. I’ll elaborate later on this. Kinda stoked that my Sims 3 just finished installing!

Sooo that’s all for now! x

Nostalgia

2011-08-19T05:52:00.001-05:00

It’s a bluesy Friday morning, and I’m sitting in front of my computer, wrapped in my winter coat because it’s simply too cold to even move my fingers. Oh, and I feel like crap.

Like literally, I feel so nauseous that even lying down feels so uncomfortable.

The thought of going back to bed isn’t so appealing anymore because a) I have a Chem final at nine, and I haven’t reviewed anything, and b) well, there are so many things racing through my mind right now that I just had to find a way to drain them out; what more perfect way than blogging?

For starters, I miss home. I miss home dearly everyday, but this immense amount of nostalgia has never struck me until yesterday when I opened my mum’s first box of Eid cookies and took a bite of one. The creamy, rich taste of “Shellflower” reminded me so much of home, of the time my mum, sisters and I would occasionally gather in the kitchen to help bake some, of the iftars where my dad would insist on eating several pieces after his main meal, and of my siblings who would race to get the “prettiest and non-burnt” cookies. I miss home, so so so much.

And what sucks is knowing I won’t be there for the morning Eid prayer with my family, I won’t be there to help my grandmother with her chair, and I won’t be there for the first day Briyani, Soto or Laksa Johor. The thought of it feels brutal, heavy—like paper weight on my heart.

Then of course, I miss my sisters—Aliaa to be precise. Skyping with her everyday made me miss all those random moments we’ve shared nearly our whole lives, being roommates and all. I miss listening to her whine about Editorial board and school, rave about tumblr and tv shows, and give me some of the most expressionless opinions about my artwork. I miss how we used to update each other on football, miss watching her lie lazily on the bed after school in her uniform with the computer on, miss her—period.

No matter how friendly or jovial the environment here can be, I can’t help but feel as though an enormous part of me still lives and breathes the air in my comfortable bedroom. Without the artwork and numerous pictures here, my study feels empty, even when I feng shui-ed it a tiny bit last night—it’s still not the same. I miss my bed, I miss my laptop—I just miss my room and its “peculiar” smell.

I suppose, there will always be days like this—bad, unexpected days where I’ll suddenly be overwhelmed by so many emotions. What sucks the most is not being able to tell anyone here about it because, well...just because. It’s like no matter how close you are to someone here, there will always be that temporary boundary, something that draws the fine line between what is comprehensible and what is not to someone you just met.

And that’s why I miss my friends too.

My beloved six-packs, I miss you all.

Best. Night. Ever

2011-08-17T00:38:00.001-05:00

Pinkberry

2011-08-13T00:00:00.002-05:00

One of the best nights ever. Blog later!

Good night x

Forever Young

2011-08-11T23:15:00.008-05:00

Was in a zesty mood today after having a lovely sahur (not so much the food, but the fact that I had my little sister on Skype to keep me company was bliss) but it just got ruined tonight.

I wouldn't go into much detail of it because, well, it's just my nature not to like to ponder over the negative things in the past for too long. A wise woman once told me that dreadful remarks are just like money; if someone gives it to you but you don't accept it, then it still remains theirs.

What this person said might not have been fully intentional (I don't know); perhaps he had meant it as a joke, but either way it did hurt. For the past couple of minutes, while bigning on my favourite brownies, I pondered over his words, trying to convince myself that he had meant it as a joke but a tiny part of my mind won't accept it.

Even if it had been a joke, the fact is that it was the "first" thing that struck his mind, the first thing that escaped his mouth. It was brisk, direct, to the point--just plain ouch. What hurt the most was the fact that he knew that I hated being judged that way because I'd told him before.

But I suppose, sometimes hoping too much from people just tears you down.

Sometimes, the ones that know you best would always be your family and closest friends.

Now away from that, let me fill you guys in on yesterday since, to be frank, nothing incredible happened today except that I watched a squirrel get run over by a truck! :O *gasps* *cries* (I'll fill you guys in on the deets later)

So, yesterday all of us girls had iftar together. The girl scholars cooked a lovely and hearty Malaysian meal: nasi tomato, ayam masak merah and kurma, for iftar! They were super girls, seriously. With the amount of detail they put into preparing the food, Oh Dear! I feel so blessed to have them :) The rice was amazing -- probably my favourite part of the meal -- and the fact that it had almonds and raisins made it twice as amazing!

After reading dua and eating, we had a few "family" shots! It felt magical to be just around the girls, kinda like high school again for me :') I definitely miss moments of talking about "girl stuff" and giggling and gossiping together. It was amazing.

Before I head onto my "squirrel story", here's something I found on tumblr:

I mean how cool is that!?

Then I came across this and started missing the days Maryam and I would scout YouTube and Sephora for the "Urban Decay Naked Pallette", which if I may add, I still haven't gotten my hands on. Maryam, if you're reading this I saw the "Two Faced Pallette" (or at least something like that) at Victoria's Secret. It was, ugh, tempting!!

So moving on to my squirrel story:

Nuek, Fateh and I were walking back to The Commons after going to CVS when we saw this injured squirrel with a broken right arm by the roadside. For some inexplicable reason, it decided to cross the road but got caught in the middle, unable to move. There were big cars speeding down the lanes, heading towards its direction. I watched as the first truck went over the squirrel, not hitting it yet but only causing it to wriggle and leap in fright. However, when the third car sped down the road, it's wheels went directly over the squirrel's body, killing it :(

It was heart-breaking to watch the poor thing lie helplessly in the middle of the wide road. No matter how much I sometimes loathe squirrels, I felt bad for it. So, so bad actually :( The vivid image of it lying in the middle of the road is still plastered in my mind like a stunned photograph.

Sigh, poor squirrel (*cues* my sister laughing)

Anyway, it's a quarter past midnight, better hit the sack!

Night x.

Like a symphony

2011-08-10T03:35:00.009-05:00

Went to Cool Springs Mall today with the entire "crew" sans Iqbal for some shopping!

"Spontaneity" would probably be the best word to describe this outing!

It all started with a Whats App message from Elle around twelve-ish noon. While I lazed around in my comfy socks and pyjamas, she asked if I wanted to go to Green Hills with her, adding a "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE" at the end. Of course, how could I say no to my babe? Then, I invited Anis, who remained in doubt until I told her we "might" make a pit stop at "Pancake Pantry" :-)

So, Elle swung by to East around two and, before we left, Anis dropped by 212 to wake Umar, who had asked her to wake him up at three in the afternoon. Somehow from the short conversation with the boys, Nuek and Fateh decided to come, completely altering our earlier plan to go to Green Hills. Since there were more of us then, Elle and I decided to head off to Cool Springs instead!

While Anis left to cash in her cheque at Sun Trust and the boys left to shower, Elle and I waited at CVS where we all planned to meet up at and call the cab. After quite some time, everyone arrived, except instead of just Nuek and Fateh, Ilman, Umar and Fahim were with them! To cite Anis, "The more the merrier" :P

We got two cabs, left for Cool Springs and headed to the first thing we spotted upon exiting JC Penney: The Photo Booth! It was an EPIC experience; the eight of us in one tiny photobooth trying to get all our heads in the picture. In the end only about four could fit! Still, it was...brilliant. It reminded me of "Dream World" (cough) back in high school. Of course, this photobooth was a lot cooler and had no lame glittering smileys :p

So after the "epic fail" photo, we separated: the guys wanted to go look for shoes and jeans while Elle, Anis and I wanted to head onto Claires and Forever! Skipping the bit where we shopped, shopped and shopped....Elle, Anis and I returned to JC around six-ish to meet back up with the guys only to find them jeans shopping! It was plain adorable to watch Umar picking out jeans for Ilman, who doesn't own a single pair with him here, and Fateh, who was busy looking for baggy jeans. Poor Umar couldn't find his size :p After all the comments and suggestions, Ilman ended up not buying a single pair while Fateh and Nuek bought a couple.

When we arrived back to The Commons, Elle, Anis and I left for dinner while the boys stayed in for iftar. On our way back, Elle and I decided to do something we've been yearning to do ever since PAVE: run through the sprinklers in the middle of the lawn! The fact that it was pitched black at night with several spotlights made it even more fun!!! While Anis stood by the side watching, Elle and I ran through the sprinklers, got wet, and laughed our hearts out just like a couple of overly-excited kids!! I'm going to miss her so much :(

K. Gonna sleep now x

2011-08-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

"A handful of moments, I wished I could change;

And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade"

Uprising

2011-08-08T06:04:00.001-05:00

Wish you'd stay here

2011-08-07T22:12:00.001-05:00

I really shouldn’t be posting this.

It’s 9: 46 PM, a night before my final calculus exam and based on my midterm results, I really, really should be studying my butt off—but I can’t. Not in this mood.

Whilst hanging out in the study area on the fourth floor, I met two American girls from the soccer team, who, just like me, will be Vandy freshmen this fall. We got into a little chat, got to know one another, before they left for their room, and that was when it struck me: freshmen year.

Approximately two weeks from today, I’ll be a Vandy freshman out of the other thousands coming in! The dorms will be flooded with American residents; the commons centre would be open, classes will start, and I’ll be separated from the close, Malaysian community I’ve been living and laughing with for the past eight weeks—except, that wasn’t what made my mood plummet.

Sure, I’ll be a little bit miserable to be away from the people I’ve grown so close and used to over the past months, but what really struck me hard was being away from Elle, Lisya and Azly, who are all leaving for Notre Dame in South Bend next week. Read my lips: Next. Week.

It was a sudden, unforeseen, out-of-the-blue feeling, just like that heavy nostalgia that held onto me for so long and vanished only after the third week (or so) of PAVE. It made me worried again of being alone, of being lost and homesick, of being afraid.

A week from today, Elle, Lisya and Azly would be boarding a midnight bus to Indiana, and while Indiana is merely hours away from Nashville, the thought of not starting college with them, of not being able to walk out of East House and cross paths with them, just crushed my mood. I thought of how I wouldn’t have Lisya to cry to, of how I won’t have Elle to laugh and get crazy with, and of Azly who’s just born humorous in his own, unique way.

I think, no matter how close we’ve grown with the other scholars, there’s always “something” that ties the five of us: Lisya, Elle, Azly, Fahim and I, together. It’s like, whenever I’m around these four, I feel more…secure and safe. I know I can trust and rely on them, just like family, and I know I can always approach them whenever I need a friend.

I think the plane ride we had together from KL to Nashville really made us grow closer. The long, emotional trip got us to rely on one another, and the first few lonely days together made us closer. I still remember the days we had breakfast, lunch and dinner together everyday, and how we’d always somehow just end up sitting next to one another during class. Even though those times have changed as we made new friends, I like that I still feel comfortable whenever I’m with them.

I truly believe Elle, Lisya and Azly would have a blast at ND, but I can’t help but miss them. Having spent most of my time with Elle back at Vandy hall and having her as my unofficial roommate for a few weeks, I’m definitely going to miss bumping into her in the bathroom and breaking into random conversations with her even while showering. I’m going to miss us raiding each other’s dorms for Oreos and relying one another’s alarms to wake up for fajr. I’m going to miss all those giggly moments we had and the times we sat beside one another simply staring at each other’s phones without saying a word. I’m going to miss saying “LEGGO” and “Aww” with her. I’m going to miss all those times our American friends took us for twins and the day we shopped till we (literally) dropped at Coolsprings. I’m going to miss my babe!

Then there’s Lisya, the first to ever really “talk” to me when I bawled my eyes out in the Dubai airport during our transit. Ever since that day, Lisya has been one of the greatest “big sisters” I could ever ask for. Her advices, words of wisdom and hugs never fail to make me cry. I’m going to miss the times she trained me and Elle how to do laundry, how to iron silk baju kurungs and how to change simple Ramen noodles to healthy ones with vegetable! There’s just something about Lisya’s presence that puts me at ease. Her crazy laughter and endless “seriously”s (though annoying sometimes) just make me love her more.

Azly’s expansive vocabulary and extremely courteous manners makes it hard to not like him! His diligence and perseverance are like constant reminders for me to do my best as a scholar. His different perceptions on many things intrigue me always, and his strong faith is like a warm aura that reminds me of my own duties to my religion. Just like Fahim, Azly’s like an older brother in his own unique way. I’m sure Elle, Lisya and I would agree that we can approach and rely on these two boys for support, always.

Even though it would suck to be away from them for the next four years (those summer breaks don’t really count), it’s always comforting to know that we’ll have another seven years after that together :-) InshaAllah. I miss you already babe, dude and Azly!

I miss you

2011-08-05T21:01:00.003-05:00

To one of the most beautiful, empowering and influential woman of all my seventeen years;
the one who gave me my first bath,
took dear care of me while my parents were in hospital,
and watched me step into kindergarten all the way till University,

i miss you -- always.

Ramadhan Mubarak

2011-08-04T03:45:00.001-05:00

Three days ago, my first Ramadhan in the United States arrived. It has been something I have long yearned for since last year and long looked forward to since I set foot in Nashville. "Fasting in the United States...in summer--oh boy, that would be an unforgettable experience!" Was what constantly occupied my thoughts as I counted down the days to August.

People have told me that it would be hard fasting for fifteen hours; they told me I would grow nostalgic from not having sahur with the family for the first time--and while all of these are true, they aren't as "bad" as I anticipated. With the calculus classes I have everyday, time flies by so fast that it would already be Maghrib by the time I awake from my evening nap. As for the nostalgia, it did rule me for the first two days, especially when my mum called while the family had their first sahur without me.

However, if I weighed the good and bad, I would say Ramadhan has been nothing but bliss, alhamdulillah. There's just something so peaceful and serene about this month that soothes my heart and mind. I enjoy getting up for sahur here everyday even when all there is to look forward to are instant noodles and toasted bread with Nutella. There is no doubt I miss (oh, dearly miss in fact) the food at home--mum's lasagne, bread pudding, nasi briyani etc.--but I also love the "buka puasa"s I've had here.

From Ilman's Obies treat to the East/Gillette boys' cooking, buka puasa can't get any better! I love how the house I live in the Commons, East Hall, is just like one little family. It makes me smile whenever we break fast together and pray jemaah for Isha' and terawih every night in 212. It makes Ramadhan feel just as special as it was back home :)

A few pictures from last night's buka puasa. The Gillette boys made the fried rice while the East boys made spaghetti!

They made the girls do the dishes :-)

For now. Have a blessed Ramadhan everyone!
x

Love you like a love song, baby.

2011-08-03T16:47:00.002-05:00

Global Fest

2011-07-31T19:21:00.003-05:00

Listening to Justin Bieber always, always reminds me of my sisters :').
Currently listening to "Down to Earth" on this lovely Thursday evening. An evening without homework is simply pure bliss! Here's an event that took place weeks and weeks ago, but I never got the chance to blog about it because I didn't have my laptop then. So I'm blogging about it now because...well, I just have to.

Global fest!!
If I had to describe this event in three words, I’d say it was

“Magical, Beautiful, and Homely”.

From the colorful “baju kurungs” and “baju Melayus” to the incredible African dance by Amari—the night could not have been any better!

Around five-thirty in the evening, Lisya and I finally returned to our dorms to get ready after being held up at FGH to finish up a couple of posters for the Malaysian corner. The initial plan (at least for me) was to head back to dorm after class at two, take a nap and help Anis and Azfar with their eye makeup! However, since Lisya and I were equally in charge of designing the posters for the booth we were held up until five fifteen!

In the end, I didn’t get to take a nap or shower and had only half an hour to get ready! It was…hilarious; I ended up spending forty-five minutes trying to iron my silk baju kurung and headscarf. In the end, Lisya came to my dorm at a quarter past six to help iron (or “press” as she would say) it, and we were finally done at six twenty-five. That left us with only five minutes to rush to FGH to catch Fahim, Umar and Azfar perform!!

In the end, after trying to run in heels was to no avail, I ended up carrying my heels in one hand and walked barefoot to FGH while Lisya did some adjustments to her kebaya skirt to enable her to speed walk to FGH! Thankfully, we got there just in time for the performance! From the sound of the thunderous applause that echoed the room, there was no denying that the performance was lovely :-) Azfar performed a solo for Canon Rock, which, up till today, still mesmerizes me!

After a couple of other performances, Elle, Lisya and I finally got some food and snapped photos with our friends, including several Americans who were dressed in traditional Malay clothing for the occasion!! Think American boys in baju Melayu and what comes to mind? ;) Mmm it was definitely a picturesque scene.

Towards the end of the festival, Jon and Denise (our PAVE counselors) shared a dance since it would be their last year as counselors. I thought they were sweet to look at, especially with the slow song in the background. When their dance ended, someone pumped up Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” and everyone began dancing—both Americans and Malaysians. Umar decided to be amusing by dancing the traditional “Zapin dance” to a house mix with Syahidah. It was too adorable!

The Global fest ended around eight-thirty at night, but Anis was still in her “party” mode that she decided to give Iqbal, who turned eighteen on the same day, his birthday gift. The smile he wore when he received the Fossil wallet was, well, sweet. Oddly, his genuine excitement reminded me that of a child’s. It made me miss the smiles my siblings would have painted on their faces whenever I got them birthday gifts :)

I get all the girls

2011-07-29T19:24:00.000-05:00

A million miles away

2011-07-27T17:21:00.002-05:00

How does one summarise everything that has happened in the previous month in one blog post? Easy; with pictures!

Where do I begin? KLIA.

A month and a few days ago, 9^th June to be precise, I was trying hard to hold back the tears that were begging to leak out as I stood amongst my dearest family and friends, who had all gathered at KLIA for one last goodbye before I boarded the plane for the United States. I left for the airport earlier with my parents, leaving my grandmother, aunt and several sisters at home, to make it in time for a group meeting (which, for the record, did not even happen). So my parents and I met up with several other students and their parents, chatted for a bit before I left to look for my gorgeous six packs. Maryam, Azraa, Latifah, Hidayah and Nik—if you guys are reading this, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked all of you enough for going through the hassle of coming to KLIA. All of you being there meant the world, no, the universe, to me.

The moment I saw my friends in the prayer room, all the emotions I thought I had under control just broke loose. Cascading tears streamed down my face when Hidayah and Nik hugged me, and by the time Maryam had her arms around me, I was so close to breaking down—especially when she started crying. So I decided to pull myself together and meet up with my parents once again. My dad decided to treat us to tea at McDonalds so we pulled up five tables and combined them all to form one long, long table! We started talking about our future, of travelling, of missing one another—it was endless. I remember enjoying the warmth our friendship radiated and the security I had with them. Being the “baby” of the group, I couldn’t believe I was going to be the first to fly.

Then my grandmother arrived and one look at her just broke everything I had patched up on the inside. I went to sit by her, surrounded by my parents and little siblings, while she went on about watching me grow up into a granddaughter she was very proud of. She spoke of the times she took care of me—just to two of us—while my dad accompanied my mother, who was giving birth to my second sister, at the hospital. By the time she was done, we were drowned in tears, and when I stole a glimpse at my friends, they were crying buckets as well.

That was when Fahim, one of the students, called for everyone to assemble for boarding. I gave everyone last goodbye hugs, saving the final two for my parents. When I approached my mum to ask for forgiveness and bid goodbye, tears were streaming down her face. She kept it short and brief, not wanting to turn this situation any more melodramatic than it already was. My papa gave me a short kiss on the cheek too, but just as I was on the verge of stepping down the escalator, he held me back and pulled me into a long, long hug—a hug that made me sob even harder. Being his little girl, I grew up knowing I could run back into his protective arms any time and know he’ll always be there. I knew that whenever he was around me, nothing could get to me—it had to go through my papa first. As I remained enclosed in his hug, I thought of how I would be twenty-five hours away from home, away from my dad’s arms, tomorrow. I thought of how I would protect myself.

A month and a half later, and Alhamdulillah, so far—everything is going well.

Fren-uh-meee

2011-06-08T13:42:00.002-05:00

Was shopping at Bangsar when I came across this; one word: WANT!

SWAG? Joking - it's an inside joke my belieber sisters share.

Maryam and Maryam slept over yesterday, and we baked lasagna! This is our morbid, empty bowl shot after satisfyingly wolfing everything down.

Finally these pair of rad shoes that I wore to dinner today! Let's just say it turned out that these neon Pastry shoes didn't exactly suit the event's location. Haha

London, Paris, maybe Tokyo

2011-06-06T06:39:00.004-05:00

Listened to her old record while I cleaned my room. I'm brimming with wistful feelings aren't I?

I used to be so obsessed with this guy and his sexy accent!

Today was...brilliant.

As the days go by I simply feel more and more blessed and incredibly grateful to have such amazing family and friends in my life!

Yesterday I spent the entire day spring cleaning my room. Whilst doing so, I found a couple of old items that conjured so many beautiful memories! Most of them were related to my high school days, and I must admit I'm still overwhelmed by how time flies! It honestly feels like yesterday I stepped into Sri Aman with new white baju kurung top and turquoise kain.

Most of the things included mini notes, doodles and scribbles in my notebooks, drawings and my stack of stories!!! There are about nine binded books, (I still remember arriving late to school all the time because of the pit stops I would make at this tiny photocopying shop at Section 17. In fact, I can still remember the lady's appearance: she was frail, small-sized, skinny, had curly hair and dry eyes) all of which I'm definitely keeping till...forever!

Moving on to today, I had a lovely Thai lunch with my most amazing, football-loving best friend, Saranyaa! We had a blast browsing through the creatively-designed menu. I think it was the most expensive meal I'd ever paid for, but it was worth it. The food was delicious :-)

Also, I spent the morning with mummy dearest, Aliaa and Lyana at Bangsar. We shopped for a couple of things on my checklist and even made a beeline for the grocers and got a couple of snacks. There was also several shops selling sweets and chocs; got some stuff there! I tried this new chocolate-coated peanut butter biscuit-sandwich - it was yummy! For now, xx.

Your Crowning Glory

2011-06-04T05:49:00.004-05:00

These past few days have just been...amazing! Really, I feel so blessed, so thankful and just so immensely fortunate for my lovely family and friends!

So a couple of the highlights of the week include watching Kung Fu Panda 2 with my best friend, Maryam, and sister, Hajar. The movie was hilarious. I wouldn't say it was the funniest thing ever, but considering I'm easily (and I mean easily) amused, I laughed throughout the movie. It was definitely enjoyable! After, Maryam came back to my place and we spent hours watching Chris Pine movies (he was a hot unfortunate boy in "Just My Luck" and a really handsome Prince in "Princess Diaries 2") and listening to old Disney music including the famous, famous "This is what dreams are made of" by Hilary Duff.

I admit; I terribly, terribly, terribly miss my childhood and old Disney. Old Disney was all about real life and inspiration - now it's just about reaching for fame and singing and dancing and looking pretty and skinny. One of the songs that we really enjoyed was "Your Crown and Glory" by Julie Andrews and Raven Symone and"The Circle of Life" by the old Disney cast: Hilary Duff, the cast of Raven, the cast of Even Stevens. It was just...magical to listen to. I'm so glad I had those days in my childhood.

Speaking of childhood, everything just seems to be rapidly moving fast right now. Lizzie McGuire, Disney in general, Harry Potter etc. etc. were big parts of my childhood and with the old Disney clearly gone and Harry Potter coming to an end this July, it just feels like chapters of my childhood are coming to an end soon. Who knew growing up would be such a hard thing to do in life :(

Putting my sudden nostalgia aside, today is Maryam’s birthday!! Yep, she turns eighteen today. Unfortunately I couldn’t join her for lunch BUT she did surprise me by stopping by my place with Nik! Coincidentally, my lil cousins and siblings were having a mini picnic by the pool so Nik and Maryam “crashed” and joined in! We talked – I basically haven’t seen Nik in ages! – and it was just well, lovely!

Oh and I’ve also started watching another sinet starring Rio called “Sekar”. It’s pretty good despite the fact that Rio’s hair is just outrageous in there! But still, a sinet will always be a sinet so I wasn’t surprised to find a copious amount of drama in the show! Well, that’s all for now. Short blog update! Till then, x

Several pictures I snapped during the picnic :)

And it's amazing how I haven't heard this song ever since I was...7? I'm 17 right now and I know this close to word-for-word!

X-men First Class

2011-06-03T01:03:00.001-05:00

Watched this at Gardens yesterday; Absolutely loved this movie!

Marvel

2011-06-02T01:01:00.000-05:00

I. Can't. Believe. It's. June

Weak-hearted

2011-05-29T12:53:00.001-05:00

Love, Aubrey by Suzanne LaFleur

Just finished this book; I’m crying.
I’ve had “Love, Aubrey” on my shelf for quite some time – since November last year, if I’m not mistaken – but never got the chance to actually read it until today. How did I come about picking this random book off my bookshelf? Well, I got a tad bit tired of watching sinets and of starring at my computer screen wishing hard for my creative juices to flow again; thus I decided to read. Initially, I was going to read another Sarah Dessen book and perhaps finish “Along With the Ride”, but then the “Love, Aubrey” cover just stood out (with the curly, cutesy fonts) So I read it around tea-time, and right now at 1AM, I’m done.

It’s been ages since I’ve finished a book within a day, by the way.

“Love, Aubrey” tells a story of an eleven-year-old girl abandoned by her mother after their family got involved in a car accident that killed Aubrey’s father and younger sister, Savannah. The mom went rock bottom after the death of her husband and daughter, and fled the house, hoping for an escape. After learning about Aubrey’s mother’s runaway, Aubrey’s grandmother finally came to fetch her granddaughter, who had been staying alone ever since, and bring her back to Vermont. While living with her grandmother, Aubrey learned to accept what has happened to her family, made friends and even opened herself up to nice, new people. In the end, she learned lots of things of what makes a home and builds a family.

This story was written in a very simple and fast-paced language. There weren’t redundant elaboration or superfluous descriptions of feelings. In fact, the sentences were short and simple; a little choppy at some places but that just gave the book a very childish feel. The book was written in a very narrative, journal-like style that helped convey Aubrey’s honest and realistic voice.

There was just this genuineness in her narration that made her so relatable, despite being just an eleven-year-old girl. I haven’t cried reading a book ever since, hmm, perhaps the last Harry Potter or Noughts and Crosses (mind you, those were at least three to four years ago), but I found myself just bawling my eyes out throughout this entire book! The first chapter to make me cry was when Aubrey finally came to accept the fact that her father and Savannah were dead. Gone. Never coming back.

The way the author described Aubrey’s feelings – how she wanted to remain in denial but couldn’t, how she tugged at the soil, remembering her father and sister being lowered into it and calling them to come back and reach for her hand – was just incredibly heart-breaking. It felt so real, so melancholic. Aubrey didn’t even need to use bombastic words to describe her feelings. Just her calling to her father, telling her sister to fight to come back to earth, was enough to send me tearing up!

Then another scene that made me cry was when she waited for her mother (whom her grandmother finally tracked down and checked into the hospital for treatment) to show up on Christmas. Aubrey waited since Thanksgiving then Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Year but her mother never showed up! It was tear-jerking to read about how her uncles and aunties tried so hard to make Aubrey feel at home – feel comfortable during her first Christmas without her family. Yet Aubrey was persistent and kept checking each time the doorbell rang, believing that her mother would show up. Except she never did.

There were many other scenes that broke my heart. In this book, Aubrey also wrote many letters as ways to express her feelings to Jill (Savannah’s imaginary friend), her mum, her dad, her sister and other people who cared for her. For me, the letter to her dad was the most heart-breaking! One is able to tell from reading the book that Aubrey and her dad were very close. In that letter she “pretended” to tell her dad about Thanksgiving and how she baked a dish he used to bake when they were a family. She described the way she played with the sweet potato and added marshmallows just low he used to. It was just…sad :’(

Then, there was the letter to the sister which was the second saddest letter. It was very poignant and honest and really touched my heart as someone who has five sisters. What she wrote to the sister about playing makeup, dressing up, making breakfast, walking to school and brushing one another’s hair made the letter so relatable, so real because those are real things I do/did with my sisters too! One paragraph from the letter that really made me cry so hard was when she “told” Savannah that they wouldn’t be able to watch their kids play together because Savannah would never grow up and have kids; and how she can’t imagine growing up and not seeing Savannah grow up with her as well. OH I feel a lump in my throat right now!

Another really heart-breaking scene was when the grandma went to Virginia for a week to visit Aubrey’s mother and left Aubrey to stay with their next-door-neighbour (also Aubrey’s best friend). There was a scene when the neighbour, Bridget, was watching TV in the living room with her father, sister, mother and baby brother. Aubrey described how the father was playing the baby brother, who’s in the play-pan, and how Bridget was snuggled up beneath the blankets with her younger sister while eating popcorn. Feeling left out, Aubrey left for the kitchen and started thinking of her old house and how her family would be doing the same thing if her father and Savannah were still alive. It was just sad to read about how she could still envision her father letting them steal bites of cakes in the kitchen while their mother was gone.

To sum everything up, this was a magical, intense and just wonderfully moving book! I would read it over again if I wanted to cry and laugh again! The letters, especially, were honest and bittersweet; simple yet brimming with so many emotions. The events that took place were realistic: from Christmas gatherings to Pizza parties to rollerblading with grandmothers and dinners at diners with uncles. Oh and I forgot to add another sweet moment: When the grandmother told Aubrey how much it hurt to lose her husband (Aubrey’s grandfather) yet she still got out of bed and continued with life because she realised she still had people who mattered in her life, people who still need her – like Aubrey and her mum. I just loved this book to bits! Definitely my new favourite.

Also, the ending (for the first time after so many books) was satisfying and complete. I wouldn’t say it was bittersweet or sweet – perhaps something in between? Like sour sweet, if that even exists. It’s the sort of ending that makes you smile with tears in your eyes! I haven’t learned a lesson from reading books in so long but I learned one from this: no one is ever alone and family love is incomparable, unconditional, forever innate.

Mon pere

2011-05-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

Time heels everything

2011-05-27T13:11:00.001-05:00

The first time Harry Potter came out, I was in standard one. Now Harry Potter's ending, and I'll be going to university. Movie of the generation indeed; one chapter of my childhood ending this July :) (Photo below: The lopsided burger I made for dinner. My maids were chuckling at me when I made this. They kept wondering how I would fit this into my mouth)

Querida

2011-05-26T23:03:00.004-05:00

Surprisingly, this movie did not disappoint me. To be honest, I didn't think it'd be that great because of the absence of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley (their character's relationship was actually one of the reasons why I watched the previous movies) but boy was I wrong!

Hmm, considering action/pirate-ish movies like this aren't really my genre, it's hard for me to give a solid review. But for an ordinary viewer, I really enjoyed the humour from Jack Sparrow AND the movie's set. I had my eyes on those, for some reason, and I just enjoyed...watching the background. I know, a little weird but from the "castle in Spain" to the "castle in England" to the "fountain of youth"...everything was just...dynamic! Kinda makes me feel like walking on that set just to get the feel of the movie :]

So anyway before the movie, I met up with a friend at WaffleWorld for some brunch. It's been...about eight months since we last saw each other, but I was glad to know she hasn't changed a single bit! We talked, laughed, goofed around like how we normally would during high school. Our conversation alone was just heavenly - I miss laughing that much!

ps: the paper was photoshopped in, in case you were wondering

When I got home, I quickly headed tot he kitchen to bake my sister her birthday cake while she was still out at school. She turned ten yesterday and, well, I just love birthdays so I enjoyed running around trying to put together a little surprise for her! I even circled the entire Bukit Damansara and Taman Tun JUST for birthday candles. Too bad no bakery was generous enough to SELL me any candles. Plus, Cold Storage didn't have candles - how can they not sell candles?

In the end, I settled for some frozen yogurt, came home and...what do you know? My mum magically swipes out a bag of candles from...I don't even know where. Parents just make magic, don't you think? :)

Regardless of their race/religion/looks/personality/etc/etc, I find guys who play the piano really, really sexy ;)

Road Not Taken

2011-05-25T19:57:00.001-05:00

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Tired

2011-05-24T07:16:00.003-05:00

Okay so it's been quite some time since I've blogged.

To start things off, I had a good breakfast with 2/6 of the Six Packs today! We had such a great time binging on sandwiches at O'Briens, though I bought some pastries from The Loaf too. While the Maryams ate their enormous (trust me when I say enormous) sandwiches, I sipped on some hot chocolate. It was delicious; I'm definitely glad I chose it over the healthy fruit smoothie.

Also, after getting some macaroons for my sister, we passed this little bakery selling the most adorable (to me) cupcakes. Check out the sesame street ones!!

So....a few days ago, I had a sudden urge at three-thirty in the morning to paint my nails bright, bright smokin' red. I liked them...a lot, but after a while I got bored of the bright red and decided to tone it down a little; so I settled for angelic, metallic white. Perhaps it's just my taste in ivory this week, because I think I really really like this colour better!

Seven past midnight and I'm exhausted from cycling the entire day (my apologies for the rather choppy blog update), scouting Empire with my besties and tutoring my sister. Crashing early tonight. Night! x

Liontin2

2011-05-23T10:22:00.000-05:00

Imagine if he could speak English...with an accent :3

Speak Now, Help Now

2011-05-23T10:20:00.000-05:00

Taylor Swift's phenomenal benefit concert for the tornado victims.

Smile

2011-05-22T10:18:00.001-05:00

Liontin

2011-05-21T06:19:00.002-05:00

Panic! At the Disco - C'mon. (Brendon's voice is just heavenly!)

Okay so a girl on YouTube recommended me a couple of other sinets starring Rio and I just fell in love with this one. Okay so maybe "love" is a little too much; but the storyline was not bad. The first part of this show was really, really enjoyable. I actually laughed and watched about thirteen episodes at night and slept at 5 AM!! But then, well you know typical Indonesian dramas and my habit of getting bored of something really fast, the storyline got a little...weird and too dramatic after. So I decided to skip a few episodes, watch the main events and...I just completed everything today. Okay so before I start, let's just say....this actor right here has never failed to amaze me!!!

Rionaldo also played "Ilham" in my previous favourite sinet "Safa dan Marwah". In that show, he played an older, caring and protective brother who's just...well, too nice and...soft. But in this new (well technically it was before Safa dan Marwah, but I just came across it so to me it's new) show, he plays a bad, cheeky, playful boy who falls for a meticulous, passion-driven, diligent girl. I definitely prefer his character in this show! His dialogues were amusing, his facial expressions just priceless!!

I won't bother raving about the plot, since, well, there are just too many conflicts to talk about. But what pisses me off is the fact that he dies around the 178 episode (there are 203 episodes all together). I mean, Rio's characters are just so prone to dying. First Ilham, now Robby (his character in "Liontin") However, this death wasn't as heartbreaking as "Ilham's" death in Safa Marwah. Perhaps because the heroine in this show wasn't as great as Niki (Girl who plays Safa). However, no doubt Rio has solid chemistry with both the actresses he worked with, ie. Niki and Naysilla (the girl who plays "Rianty", the heroine of "Liontin).

But still, Rio's performance was solid. Just amazing. He's probably topped my list of most amazing actors!! In "Liontin" he plays funny, angry, sad, heartbroken, betrayed...just every emotion one could possibly list down! His acting's just...well, amazing!

I'll probably stop here for the moment. I have a couple of other pictures which I might compose into a GIF. This is what I do while watching btw, printscreen that is and text my best friend :D Oh but Rio's definitely a lot more handsome in Safa and Marwah. In "Liontin", which was shot in 2005, he's definitely skinnier....but has better hair, because it's constantly spiked up! Where as in "Safa dan Marwah" which was shot in 2009, he's definitely more...mature :)

For now x

Cucumber Juice

2011-05-13T21:08:00.005-05:00

Mum and I were supposed to go to Amarin for some Thai lunch the other day, but the restaurant turned out to be closed; so we opted for some Indonesian lunch (this has nothing to do with my obsession towards sinets at the moment, by the way). I Learned...a lot of things from the menu, let's just say. It was a funny experience trying to communicate with the waiter who couldn't really understand Malay and English.

What amused me the most though was "Es Timun" which supposedly is "Cucumber Juice". That drink came with the set I ordered but....cucumber juice didn't exactly sound so appealing. It took a while for the waiter to describe the "drink" to me before coming down to the conclusion that was "cucumber juice". Lol, he was hilarious! In the end I ordered a glass of watermelon juice.

While the dish was o-kay, it was edible but I definitely prefer Malaysian food :) Well maybe because I've tried a variety and that was only ONE Indonesian dish. But still, why am I suddenly appreciating SEA delights and cuisine now? Sigh

Es Timun, by the way

PYD

2011-05-12T20:34:00.001-05:00

Pulling away from my 650-word ramble of the Vampire Diaries, here’s another show I cannot get enough off! Dum dum dum…."Safa dan Marwah”. Well, technically, it’s the couple (Ilham and Safa) that I can’t get enough of. The storyline sucks; they’re the only ones worth watching.

Except he dies – not in the end. He dies like 40 episodes before the end. I know, stupid right? When I texted my best friend about it she was just like "-.-". And you could imagine ME when I found out. Um, wtf?

I just watched 218 episodes of the two of you together, 10 of which the both of you were FINALLY a couple and the hero dies in the 219th episode? The writers have got to be joking right? 208 episodes of the drama, 10 episodes where they finally get together (still drama btw) and then in the 219th he dies. And his death isn’t even tragic – it’s stupid! I haven’t watched the full episode, so I can’t describe everything in detail but the scene/clip I saw showed him lying on the ground, blood oozing out his mouth, a bandage on his head while he reminisces the times he shared with Safa, followed by some monologue.

I mean, what? What, what, what, what?

How heartbreaking is that?

So knowing me, I didn’t bother watch the next 39 episodes and skipped directly to the end.

So you want to know what the ending is?

Okay so when Ilham passed away, his eyes were apparently donated to this other guy in need of a donor. (I got angry at that, btw) So then in the last episode (I don’t know what happened before that; all my rambles are based on the final episode) Safa got this mysterious letter from “Rio” (the guy who has Ilham’s eyes). She wrote to tell him that she really, really wants to meet him to see a part of Ilham that’s left. So he agreed.

Meanwhile, Adil (an artistic friend of hers) revealed this calligraphy painting he made for Safa upon Ilham’s request. It was meant as a birthday present but then Safa stumbled across of it and decided to confront Adil about it (she was curious if Adil had feelings for her all this while). So then Adil explained that Ilham got him to paint it as a gift for her. It had a sort of “love” poem written on it. It was the sweetest thing ever! Clearly Safa broke down and started bawling her eyes out, missing Ilham.

Fast-forward, in the final scene we witness Safa sitting in the middle of some theme-park reading the letter that came with the calligraphy drawing. It’s a letter that Ilham wrote way before he died, hoping to give it to her on her birthday. It’s actually a really sweet letter and while she reads it, his ghost appears beside her, smiling and reading the letter out loud. Of course she can’t see him but the scene was just so heart-breaking. He tells her he always loves her, etcetera then asks her to open her heart to someone new.

Crying. Crying. Crying.

Then all of a sudden there’s a strong gush of wind; the letter blows out of her hands (One minute remaining in the show btw – the final song has already come on). She bends down to pick it up; her hand brushes against another guy’s. They both look up, get up and she stares at him because….that’s Rio! (He’s played by the same actor who played Ilham). Then the scene ends with them starring at one another, not saying a word and finally ends with a zoom-up to his eyes.

HOW CAN I NOT GET ANNOYED?

Firstly, they ended Safa and Ilham’s short-lasting romance then they decide that Rio has to be played by the same guy who played Ilham. Except now he’s not Ilham and he’s Rio and we’re supposed to accept the fact and be happy that she still ends up with a guy who looks like Ilham, except isn’t Ilham so the romance will start over? Except it can’t because the genuineness and sweetness Safa and Ilham shared won’t even be the same with Safa and Rio…even though he looks like Ilham, but really isn’t Ilham?

Some random favourite scene of mine. 1:30 onwards :)

Okay, you see my point. I’m annoyed.

Anyway, no point crying and screaming over that (even though I still do) a girl on YouTube kindly told me that the actor who plays Ilham, Rionaldo Stockhorst, is currently guest-starring in Niki’s (the girl who plays Safa) sinet called “Putri Yang Ditukar”. He isn’t he main so the story doesn’t revolve around him and she kind of already has a lover.

Anyway, you know how melodramatic sinets are…so Niki’s character “Amira” gets into an accident, loses her memory and gets mistaken as “Citra”, a girl from a match-making agency Rangga (Rionaldo’s character) mother inquired for her son. Amira and Citra sat next together in the bus before it crashed so Citra let Amira wear this “ring” which indicated that she was from the match-making agency. So then when the bus crashed, Citra passed away and Amira got mistook as Citra.

Fast-forward, Rangga doesn’t know anything about this match-making plan his mum has so he accepts “Citra” as a daughter of her friend’s. Initially, it starts out with him not liking her (because he was once left at the altar by his dead ex-wife who committed suicide) but then slowly he starts to fall for her. The same time, Citra starts getting her memories back (with people from her past trying to look for her and all).

Clearly the addition of Rangga/Rionaldo’s guest-starring is just a way to prolong the story but I’ll enjoy the sweet moments Rangga/Citra (Nikki/Rionaldo) have and prepare for heartbreak. The two just have amazing on-screen chemistry!! Okay, so it’s a quarter to one right now, which means 15 minutes to Safa and Marwah on TV. I’m still contemplating on watching it or doing something productive. Ah well

For now! x

As I lay dying

2011-05-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

Currently listening to “I should Go” by Levi Kreis because that was the song used during Damon and Elena’s scene in The Vampire Diaries. Heartbreaking isn’t it?

Okay, now where should I start? (I always ask that don’t I?)

So today The Vampire Diaries finale aired; it was…well, I wouldn’t say mind-blowing because last week’s episode and the episode before that was definitely better, but this week’s was…hmm, I need a word. Let’s say it was…not enough?

I’m comparing this season’s finale to last’s; the last one kept me wanting more so badly. I remember watching it during my SPM trials, and I couldn’t focus on Physics for exactly a week (maybe even more) but this season’s episode is, well…I did jump up and down but it doesn’t make me go crazy yearning for more. This time, I can actually wait – be patient.

So, the episode started out with a very, very touching scene between Damon and Elena. He asked for her forgiveness, she said no – but his facial expression was just…heart-breaking. I mean “Take all the time you need?” then looks down, oh dear just pass me the tissue already.

Then Damon returns home, takes his ring off and tries to kill himself. It’s a typical Damon drama but then Stefan came and rescued his brother; now that was just so…sweet. Even though they slammed one another into the walls, the fact that Stefan won’t let Damon finish his suicidal mission was just so…oh God, sweet!

I won’t ramble and give you a full, detailed synopsis of the episode because that would just be pointless. Let’s just say in between all the Delena scenes (I’ll get to those in a bit) there were scenes of Stefan making a compromise with Klaus, Bonnie saving Jeremy’s life and Alaric being incredibly incredulous. The usually sweet, reserved Alaric was loud and blunt in this one; me gusta!

Okay so then Sheriff Forbes tried to capture Damon (because he’s a vampire, and she thinks all vampires are murders) but then Damon escaped and went staggering (because he got bitten by a werewolf and a werewolf bite is banal to a vampire) through the park. Then Elena, who escaped from being quarantined in the Sheriff’s office, broke the window to look for Damon.

She finally found him in the park, they share a moment of her trying to help him while his subconscious toyed with him. He mistook Elena for Katherine several times because of the flashbacks looping in his mind and bit her. But then, realising she was Elena, he pulled away and she helped him back to his house.

Okay there was where the amazing, sweet, heart-wrenching, emotional scene took place.

So picture dying Damon on the bed with “I should Go” by Levi Kreis playing in the background. Elena is beside him, kind of hugging him and hushing him while he goes on about dying. I’ll paste the conversation down there. Then after all that…………………………she kisses him!!

Okay, I wouldn’t say it was the best, best, best kiss ever but what made the kiss so passionate and pure was the fact that Elena kissed Damon. Not the other way round. She kissed him; it was short, deep and just oh dear, hand me a box of tissues!

Plus there were several memorable quotes such as:

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I need it"

Damon: I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.
Elena: No. You don’t.
Damon: I do, Elena. It’s okay. Because if I had chosen differently I wouldn’t have met you. I’m so sorry. Done so many things to hurt you.
Elena: It’s okay. I forgive you.
Damon: I know you love Stefan. And it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: I do.
Damon: You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.

Then the ending was just epic with Jeremy’s ability to see dead people, including both his girlfriends. Ghost of the Girlfriend’s past anyone? Also Stefan’s now tied to Klaus after he sacrificed everything – his “humanity” and Elena to save Damon. Now that’s another thing that brought me to tears: The fact that Stefan chose DAMON over Elena. NOW that’s the Stefan I love. Not because I ship Delena (I do, but that’s beside the point) it’s because Stefan chose his BROTHER, his BROTHER over his girlfriend. Okay I’m going to continue crying. Stefan you just won my heart.

Heck yeah

2011-05-09T22:11:00.003-05:00

My grandmother, dad, sister and best friends' reaction when they found out I was hooked onto this show:

Seriously. Except one of my best friends and my grandmother started chuckling and rambling about how "surprising" this was. Alright fine. I admit. It's very surprising even for me, and I don't even recall how I started following this show. The first time I remember watching this was during the first day of my exams last year...I think, and I was having lunch. Anyway, the storyline pretty much gets nonsensical after then 170th episode but the sweet acting of the hero/heroine is what keeps me watching.

So last night, I came across this YouTube account posting HD footages of the show. Boy was I happy, you have no idea! So I started watching the first 150 episodes (I skipped a few episodes and fast-forwared to the Safa/Ilham scenes if you're wondering how I miraculously finished 150 episodes in one night.) I must say I really, really enjoyed the first 100 episodes! They made more sense and the drama level was moderate - people didn't cry in every scene like the next 100 episodes. Plus, they were in high school and were young - they were cute to watch.

Anyway, I reached the....150th episode, I think. The drama burgeons there but it's bearable. Definitely not as frustrating and melodramatic as the 170th onwards episodes. Okay, where am I even going with this?

Soooo yeah. Nothing much to blog about except I just love, love Rionaldo's acting as Ilham. The on-screen chemistry he has with Niki who plays Safa is just amazing, despite the fact that she can get a tad bit annoying :-) But their acting together is just...lovely. And, he just recently guest starred on one of her other sinetrons "Putri Yang Ditukar". Their relationship in that one isn't as passionate as the one in Safa and Marwah (in fact they're acquaintances and he already has a dead lover) but it's nice to watch because, well, you hardly see Rio acting "annoyed" and "irritated" by Niki in Safa dan Marwah (he's easily irritated in PYD)

For now. Going to endure my dad's teasing of my liking of "soap operas" and do something productive. Be back to ramble and vent about the ending of Safa and Marwah. Completely forgot about that! Let's just say, cube the nonsensical. That's just how....insane the ending was!

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you're obsessed with an Indonesian drama

- My best friend texted me this last night :-)

Haha you!? You watch Safa and Marwah? What happened to your Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill?

- My other best friend when I broke the news to her during our phone call :-)

Hold him

2011-05-09T01:31:00.000-05:00

Mummy Dearest

2011-05-08T07:18:00.003-05:00

Today. is. mothers. day

(cues balloon popping, sprinklers falling etc)

Some might regard today as an overrated, commercial-driven day but it doesn't hurt to just toss in a lil' celebration! After all, today gives busy mothers a reason to put whatever they're doing on a halt and join in the fun, and gives children a chance to spark their imagination and creativity to come up with something magical for their mothers! At least, that's how it goes here in my household. So here's what happened:

I went over to my dear cousin's place around twelve today to help out with the mother's day tea all of us planed to host. We had about three and a half hours to get everything done before her mum returned from her facial appointment. So my sister, Aliaa, started out by baking the macaroons while Lyana and I made Pesto Pasta. It was actually a really funny experience since the recipe we had required so many spices and seasonings and some of the bottles in the cupboard didn't have labels! Then halfway through cooking, I decided we needed more prawns so my cousin had to take out the frozen prawns, defrost them for a bit before cooking. By the time she threw the additional prawns in, the first batch of prawns were already roasted! Well, that's an over-exaggeration, but they were slightly brown. Ha! But still, the crispy prawns were delicious :-)

After, we proceeded to make the mushroom soup. Initially, we were supposed to fry the onions with butter then set them aside - something like that - but Lyana got mixed up with the steps that we ended up throwing everything in! After putting in the nutmeg, we were supposed to add some chicken broth. There were three containers in the refrigerator containing three different types of broth so I asked Lyana's housemaid for the "chicken" one.

She handed me one with a red cover and just as I was on the verge of pouring it in, Lyana sensed something not right with it. She was like "Are you sure that's the chicken broth?". So she asked her housemaid again, Theory, who was like "No chicken." Turns out the broth I had was prawn/fish stock! Thank goodness I didn't pour it in. Then after creaming the mushroom soup and adding salt, mushrooms etc it was finally done and we decorated it with some parsley :-) The soup was delicious by the way; the best dish, in my opinion.

Aliaa's cream for the macaroons

C for chicken!

Then we proceeded with making some fresh yellow watermelon juice! (That was probably the simplest task, of course) Then we baked some chicken pie and butter cake topped with baby blue frosting and strawberries!

I'd say overall, today was a great day! So thankful everything went well! Got our hands super dirty in the kitchen but it was lovely to watch my mum, grandmother, aunties and dad (ha!) have tea, eating children-made food. My grandmother was even going to take a dip in the pool! Haha, she didn't of course but the weather today was gorgeous for a swim: hot and bright!

Everyday is mothers day, but today was just a fun day to be able to throw a small celebration.

I love you, mama ♥

Was supposed to blog about this...

2011-05-07T05:48:00.004-05:00

Doesn't he sing amazing live or what?

ps: blog later x

Vampire Diaries

2011-05-06T04:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm going to start by saying these two make the best BAMF team ever. (If you don't know what BAMF means, Google it :]) You know who isn't good at saving the day? Stefan Salvatore. I mean, the guy has a good heart - no doubt on that - but everything he does is always to no avail. For some reason, it's always Damon cleaning up messes. For instance, in the previous episode, Stefan was with Elena the entire episode, supposedly protecting her, but then when Klaus came to take her away; do you know what Stefan did? He closed his eyes. He ridiculously closed his eyes and let her go. What happened to the whole "I will always protect you" in the episode before that? The whole "Damon, I'm mocking you" scene. Sigh, lets face it Stefan. You might have Elena's respect but you are never, ever, ever capable of saving her life. I mean, instead of going after Klaus or something something...I dunno, smart? Damon-like? You close your eyes, let her go, and then call Damon to tell him that she's been taking away. Smart move, seriously. What annoyed me the most was after mocking Damon precariously, Stefan actually had the audacity of calling Damon to tell her that Elena's been taken away and have him (Damon) take care of it? Um, what?

Sorry, it' just that scene really, really annoyed me. Okay, coming back to this week's episode. So Stefan tried to be the celebrated hero once again! Do you know what he did? He offered his life in exchange of Jenna's (Jenna - a turned vampire- is Elena's aunt who was taken by Klaus - the mean vampire - to be sacrificed in the ritual) When Stefan proposed the "swap" I was just like...huh? I mean, seriously. I suppose Stefan deserves some kudos for actually doing something...daring but, sigh - again, his attempt was to no avail. What did Klaus do? Klaus just shoved a wooden stake into Stefan's back and maimed him - leaving him incapacitated. Smart.

That's when Damon and Bonnie (those two in the GIFs up there) came to save the day! Yay :) For some reason, Damon's ALWAYS the one saving the day; yet his successful missions were never enough to ensure the rest of the team of his instincts. How many more episodes of "Damon saves the day again" do they need to realise that his instincts and his hunches are ALWAYS right? For instance, in the last few episodes Elena and Elijah (Klaus' supposedly "good" brother) came down to a compromise: Elena would die during the ritual but would drink some elixir to come to life. Clearly, Elena being, well, Elena - blunt, obtuse, stubborn etc.- agreed to the plan and to the risk of downing the elixir, which might or might not work. Everyone agreed and respected her decision.....everyone BUT Damon.

He was the ONLY one who actually had sense left in that shrewd mind of his to warn her about the danger she was about to get herself into. Because he was afraid she'd die, he did something selfish (or some claim to be) act and fed her his own blood which meant that Elena would come back alive...as a vampire. Elena, who has no desire of becoming a vampire, clearly grew mad then the three of them, Stefan included, got into a brawl which in the end just showed how much Elena hated Damon. Fine. The girl can go mountain-hiking with Stefan while on the brink of "death" all she wants.

So anyway fast-forward: everyone trusted Klaus and Elena's decision but.......Klaus turned out to be two-faced. Hah! When everyone convinced Damon of trusting Klaus, you know what he (Damon) said?

YUP and he's right! See, this is what happens when the "crew" decides not to trust Damon.

So anyway, after realising they've been played (Stefan still lying on the ground btw) Damon and Bonnie came to save the day! While Bonnie took down Klaus, Damon killed the bad witch and carried Elena's body towards Stefan. THIS WAS SUCH A SELFLESS MOMENT because he knew just how much Stefan wanted Elena by his side :') See Elena, who saves your life again? So Stefan told Damon to take her back home safe while he stayed to watch Klaus die.

Except, Klaus didn't die. As I had said, that Elijah decides to disobey their promise and save Klaus' life instead. Curse him. Anyway, back home Elena woke up (she lived because John - her biological father - decided to give up his soul so she could have hers) and the first pair of eyes she gazed into was..........Damon's! *this is me squealing* The Delena scene was, of course, just too sweet. Too bad the ending of the episode had to be bittersweet with Jenna's death and Damon's werewolf bite getting worse (forgot to mention he got bitten by a werewolf during the mission to save Elena. A werewolf bite kills a vampire slowly).

However, clearly he won't die or the show's ratings would drop insanely. But this also means that the season 2 finale would be a big, big, big cliffhanger!!! :] I think I've rambled enough. Was supposed to blog about two other things but looks like I went too far with this. Anyway, maybe I'll continue later...or tomorrow. Or whenever the mood's there.

ps: In all this drama, the only thing to rejoice about his Caroline and Tyler reuniting!!!

Ring of Fire

2011-05-05T22:25:00.005-05:00

I wanna blog about this so bad.....but I can't right now. If I have the same amount of enthusiasm as I do right now, I'll probably blog about this later. BUT the GIF pretty much says it all. Everyone can go to hell for not trusting Damon. Oh then, there's just Caroline/Tyler :))

Heartbeat

2011-05-04T10:40:00.004-05:00

Warning, this episode might include lots and lots and lots of nonsensical rambling about TV shows. Just to summarize things up, I'll list the shows in bullet points:

Gossip Girl
90210
Glee
One Tree Hill
Safa & Marwah

Gossip Girl:

Firstly, I really, really miss this couple. Screw Serena and her blonde, back-stabbing moments or Nate and his annoying fickle-minded attitude or Dan and his wannabe air of being an upper east sider or Vanessa and her shady bitchy movements - the only thing that makes Gossip Girl worth watching is Chuck and Blair. Chuck Bass, to be more precise. The only real relationship that exiss in the show is between them; Serena and Nate were cute but what they had was obviously a fling, then there's Serena and Dan who still date...even though their parents are married plus other major flings with stupid, minor characters. Chuck and Blair actually went deep....until he had to ruin everything by wanting to trade her in for the hotel. Yet, I still see hope in them...that is until this week's episode. Okay, the writers have gone mad - seriously. I mean, making Chuck drunk and wanting to force himself onto Blair plus cutting her cheek with glass after punching the walls? Craptastic. I know Blair's strong and I know she's the ONLY true character who can put up with Chuck's dark days (who can blame the guy? He has a screwed-up uncle and a mysterious dead father). I just wish and wish and wish that by the seasaon finale of GG, something good will happen between Chuck and Blair. She cannot run off and marry that Louis of a prince! Chuck is tiresome sometimes, yes, but he'll always be my fave character!

Click here for the mind-blowing GG ending between Chuck and Blair :) Ed's acting in this = amazing! http://youtu.be/snq6w-8qKGI

90210:

I'm not gonna lie and say this show is getting boring, boring and BORING. I'm actually really lazy to blog about it right now :]

Glee:

I miss this, enough said.

One Tree Hill:

Even though the storyline has been a little bland lately, there's just something about this show that keeps me watching every week. Maybe it's the beauty of the words behind the narration or the realism behind the actors' acting. I dunno. Anyway, this week's episode definitely wasn't the most gripping but it was filled with beautiful scenes of Nathan and Haley AND Brooke Davis, my favourite character, is finally pregnant! :D I have to admit though, I miss miss miss Lucas from the show (I know, get over it by now but I can't). He and Brooke will always, always be a better couple than Brooke and Julian.

Now before I head on to my main ramblings of this AMAZING yet also very ANNOYING TV Drama, I'm going to post pictures of crackers with Nutella! Random, I know but I had these for tea and felt like snapping pictures of them. Please excuse my...messy spreading of Nutella. I like my crackers messy :]

Okay now onto my MAIN ramblings, you have been warned.
Let's start by introducing this show. My grandma has been hooked onto to this Indonesian Sinetron called "Safa & Marwah" ever since...well, before SPM. I was first introduced to it during SPM. Because the show aired every weekday at 1PM to 2PM, coinciding with the SPM breaks between papers, I used to watch this to blow off steam. It had a pretty gripping storyline plus a really cute hero of an actor ;) So I watched it in the full course of the three weeks of SPM - then stopped. However lately with my being at home everyday, I've grown to be a regular watcher.

I must admit, parts of the storyline do nothing but crack me up ALL the time. In fact, some of the conflicts that arise aren't even logical. I used to make fun of the longish, overly-dramatic music and the fact that the director takes at least five minutes to zoom up into crying faces (crying is nearly a part of every scene by the way) but then...I grew to like it. It's sort of like a guilty pleasure I suppose. Like, I really HATE the storyline - I could seriously just groan and cuss each time a ridiculous obstacle arises, but then I'd still watch it! Plus this show is filled with amazing actors, like seriously.

Okay so my favourite character of the show is the main hero named Ilham and, well, he's in love with the heroine, Safa. A lot of stuff happens but their scenes together are the best, best, best! I could literally watch an entire episode just about them and never grow bored. So obviously the drama just continues to make their ardent love towards one another more obvious. I just love the fact that each time they go through hardship, they think of one another first. They're siblings by the way - no not incest. But more like...they're not blood-related; it's a long story. Just accept the fact that they're not siblings but living under the same roof? ;)

So yes, as I was saying a lot of tragic stuff (Nik says it's typical Indonesian drama :p) happens. Stuff like airplane crashes, false deaths, accidents, fights, bombing (seriously), lying etc. happens but they ALWAYS support one another. Like, there was this one time when everyone thought Safa was dead when she wasn't. It happened after the van she and Ilham rode crashed and he fell somewhere (shouting her name before he blacked out! How sweet!) and she somewhere rolled into a river and floated....away. So while everyone was so convinced she was dead (because there was this girl in the van who just happened to wear the same outfit as Safa-lol-who passed away so everyone assumed that was Safa), Ilham was determined to find her. After episodes, he finally did and it was the sweetest ever! I watched it with my best friend (it was her first time by the way) and even she admitted they were sweet :D

So moving on, I'm at episode 200 right now and even though some stuff remain nonsensical and just plain exasperating I still love the scenes between Ilham and Safa. They're just adorable. So recently, the both of them were held hostage and Safa was strapped to a time bomb. The two of them were tied to chairs in some building but then Ilham managed to slip his hands out. Thus he freed her, took the jacket of but just as she made a run for it (oh wait, they had like 5 minutes to start crying, staring and hugging one another. Reminder: he's holding a TIMED bomb.I know, idiots to waste time right?) the tiny bomb exploded in his hands (I know right, the writers just HAD to make him have NO time to run). So he got wounded - paralysed actually :( But still, the hospital scenes between them were just so adorable. I won't go into detail because well, I'm supposed to be doing something else ever since 2PM but I still haven't since I got so hooked with this :P Just enjoy the....not so HD pictures of the show. I snapped them with my camera by the way since I was texting Maryam the entire time I watched and MMSing her pictures :D

Still, you get to see him :)

Also, here's an amazing clip from last week's The Vampire Diaries. Psyched for this week's ep!
http://youtu.be/DitWkpcQ6jI

Also my friend texted me this after I sent her this photo:

Now I know wht u'll be dreamn of tonight ;)

Haha, gotta love her!

Night! x

Banana Cupcakes

2011-05-03T03:58:00.007-05:00

Okay so this will be a quick blog update!
So far, today has been a great day. I've been cleaning my room the entire week - taking out old clothes, vacuuming the floors, stumbling across a lot of old things that brought back so many old memories. I also finally have space in my closet for shoes :-) AND the new Panic! At The Disco Video came out :) (I've posted it in the entry below - Brendon is just so gorgeous)

Also, I had a Glee-a-thon with my Grandma yesterday since it was playing on StarWorld the whole morning. Since I haven't watched the first few episodes of Glee season 2 in ages, I fell in love with this song...again :)

I miss Sam and Quinn, don't you?

Anyway this morning mum and I went to Bangsar for brunch before she took me to the art store to get several supplies for my cosmic scrapbooking mission. I just love art/stationary stores, don't you? There's just this...magical vibe when you see hundreds of opalescent ribbons and stickers on the shelves. After, we went to the market to get some fruits. For some reason, there were lots of flies today. My guess is we arrived somewhere close to noon - perhaps the heat brought the flies? Hmm. It wasn't an anomaly to see them swarmed around the fishes but fruits? And I'm talking about the big, black icky (haha) flies - not fruit flies. One even zoomed past me and brushed against my cheek (I know, ew). Seriously, it must have been seriously big because I actually felt the little impact on my cheek. Gross.

The Art store

When we got home, mummy decided to bake some Banana cupcakes. There's been lots of cupcakes/muffins around my house by the way. Yesterday, my aunt came over with big, fat, scrumptious Red Velvet cupcakes! They were delciousss. Speaking of cakes right now, I've actually developed a sudden craving for Plan B's Flourless Chocolate Cake. Did I mention I tried making it once? Well, lets just say while my attempt wasn't a total failure, it wasn't close to success either. I suppose making flourless cakes just isn't my forte now.

Anyway, back to the banana cupcakes: Mum pulled out an old (I mean really old) family recipe. It was...vintage-looking, I suppose you could say that. So...she baked, I simply watched this time because I was too occupied with watching 90210 and Gossip Girl (I'll blog about those later). But anyway, watching her bake was...interesting so I decided to whip out my camera and snap some shots!

I'll probably blog about GG and 90210 later. Also, I recently watched "The Roommate", which to be blunt, was a ridiculous movie. Till then, xx

Ready to Go

2011-05-01T19:45:00.002-05:00

His dancing = adorable!